PFLUGERVILLE, Texas — Local woman Shelby Cardenas handled a semi-regular 2 a.m. scroll through her ex-girlfriend Melissa Hannan’s Instagram page with the focus and careful…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Former Vice President Joe Biden requested moments ago to perform a “physical challenge” in lieu of answering a foreign policy question,…
ST. LOUIS — Time stood still today for local man Hayden Reed, who publicly identified as a “Democratic Socialist” and prayed his words would be…
NEWARK, N.J. — Senator Cory Booker announced he will be suspending his bid for the 2020 presidency which unleashed an avalanche of calls from former…
Toxic fandom is terrible. It’s sad to see wonderful works of art that bring so many people joy overrun with fans who spoil it for…
IRVING, Texas — Senior ExxonMobil executive Robert Stone announced today that his company will donate millions of dollars toward rebuilding gas stations across southeast Australia…
Listen up, we all know the rules of being straight edge. No tobacco, no drugs, and no alcohol… through your mouth. But I’ve recently come…
TACOMA, Wash. — Members of indie trio Shades of Hemingway surprised “superfan” and sole Patreon subscriber Artie Ravil yesterday by finally delivering the customized song…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Recently stabbed, profusely bleeding, and chronically uninsured drummer Tommy Rivera is insisting his band add at least one Canadian date to their…
NEW YORK — A large-scale data breach of Tumblr’s current user base compromised the personal information of all 12 horny, artsy kids that for some…
NEWARK, N.J. — Local punk and expert responsibility-avoider Dean Freeman asked his neighbor this morning to throw out all his mail for him, “especially credit…
JANESVILLE, Wis. — An alarming analysis of several of Burger King’s new Impossible Whopper sandwiches has found that the popular vegetarian burger contained trace amounts…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Traveling gutter punk-turned inspirational teacher Marcus “Guru Hoagie” Sanders is directing followers worldwide to treat their bodies as if they were a…
Over the past few years we’ve called out, canceled, impeached, and even jailed some of America’s most toxic and evil people but we still have…
WEST HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Local man Brian Davis was shocked and surprised yet again last night that Backslide, the bar he visited for the sixth…