PHILADELPHIA — Your friend Bella Dubois is reportedly now back with her old band The New Babies, leaving you feeling like an idiot for all…
DOVER, N.H. — Your coworker, accounts manager Randy Ferguson, has no idea that he is your mortal enemy in a long-running feud that won’t end…
GENEVA, Ill. — Local man and self-described electronic leash cutter Lucas Roberts is now on a door-to-door journey to tell every American that he quit…
SOMERVILLE, Mass. — Local slob Brian Helmes decreed today that the T-shirt he’s worn under his hoodie for the past 17 days is still clean,…
EUGENE, Ore. — Perpetually inconsiderate roommate Michael Chabot was thrilled yesterday to discover a giant pile of garbage in his shared kitchen, knowing he finally…
BOISE, Idaho — Ambitious music school graduate Fritz Stokowski took to the streets with flyers yesterday, advertising auditions for a new, drama-free symphony orchestra, bemused…
Lock. Him. Up. That’s what I wish I could say about Pete Buttigieg, but unfortunately, that dork is way too lame to be MY president.…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Civil engineer Daniel Barley obtained sole custody of ex-girlfriend Alicia Kressen’s parents yesterday during the dissolution of their relationship, completing a landmark…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Newly engaged and unnecessarily honest groom-to-be Blake Sorrentino announced at a dinner gathering last Friday that he is set to wed his…
SEATTLE — Two adult punk males repeatedly collided their heads together yesterday attempting to display dominance to impress a nearby female, sources amazed by the…
ROCHESTER, Minn. — Severed Reason bassist Corbin Gallo was taken off life support yesterday when doctors realized that the notifications tracking his various vitals were…
HIAWASSEE, Ga. — Local mom Camille Belvin shared a charming anecdote during a family dinner last night about an event from which her daughter has…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — The physical limitations of a Velcro wallet were put to the test early yesterday evening when local man Jason Wagner received change…
Since my transformation from a nice guy (but like, a legit actual nice guy) to a certified male feminist last week, I’ve been viewing everything…
BOSTON — A landmark study by a rowdy crew of sloshed scientists at the Harvard School of Drunk Studies have found a definitive link between…