PHILADELPHIA — Your friends Amber Lakely and Kevin Vasquez promised you today that you wouldn’t feel like a third wheel if you join their weekly…
It’s every beer pong player’s worst nightmare. Worse than getting shut out. Worse than playing with Milwaukee’s Best. Even worse… than losing to a chick.…
WATERLOO, Iowa — Christian rock superfan Keri Wilson has resolved not to go backstage after any concerts until she is a married woman, despite frequent…
YONKERS, N.Y. — Local man Patrick Murphy’s childhood sock puppet is in for an experience never imagined possible later today after the 28-year-old stumbled upon…
PORTLAND, Maine — Metalcore frontman and obvious liar Zander Dekay claimed at a show last Friday that he “can’t hear the motherfuckers in the back”…
LOS ANGELES — Sacramento-based punk and local chef Tina “Snot” McLain won the dinner round of the hit cooking show “Chopped” last night with a…
COLUMBIA, Md. – Non-confrontational wuss Samuel Bleck took out decades of built-up frustration today by open-palm slapping drywall in his home and leaving a mild…
My step-dad was always a hard ass. He’d embarrass me in front of my friends, emasculate me in front of my partners, and kept me…
GREAT BARRINGTON, Mass. — Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan stood up to speak last night at an assembly about the current state of the education…
KIRBY, Wyo. — Local woman Madison Fuller announced today via multiple social media platforms that she is expecting to be a MILF sometime around mid-June…
HOMER, Ala. — The emotional affair between English teacher Lara Palledorous and her co-worker Allessandro Reyes resulted in a sweaty, purely physical and entirely literal…
LIVONIA, Mich. — A group of punk Christmas carolers regretted their choice to include The Misfits’ classic “Last Caress” in their repertoire after it was…
ST. LOUIS — Acquaintances of chronically fatigued punk Anthony Mafodda are reportedly perplexed by the rocker’s nocturnal habit of sheathing each individual point of his…
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Shelby Walsh announced yesterday that she’s “turned over a new leaf,” rebranding her tumultuous personal life as “her journey,” several…
VACAVILLE, Calif. — Local Papa Roach fan Danny Herman scurried out of a Circle K this morning in apparent good health, despite being decapitated in…