BETHESDA, Md. — A grande-sized pumpkin spice latte for Karen called the police moments ago on a black cold brew coffee sitting on the other…
WILMINGTON, Del. — An alarming new study out of the University of Delaware finds that the average millennial punk has to steal significantly more from…
CHICAGO — Local man Keith McKenna purchased alcohol for a group of teens last Friday on the condition that they buy him a Hot Topic-exclusive…
NEW YORK — Local freelance writer Dane Maxwell decided today that he will go through life experiencing a never-ending acid trip until he finally gets…
AUGUSTA, Maine — A gender neutral bathroom at local, all ages DIY punk venue Ramparts is reportedly covered from floor to ceiling in alarmingly racist…
HENDERSON, Nev. — Model train enthusiast and man possibly on the brink of madness Jonathan Mackay is reportedly “sick and tired” of finding crust punk…
BALTIMORE — Self-described “literary punk” Candy Huang reported today that although she’d read about the groundbreaking book, “The Hard Times: The First 40 Years,” she…
BOISE, Idaho — A pointless, rambling political rant posted to Facebook by local man Terry Boe this morning resulted in mass casualties to his friend…
VENICE BEACH, Calif. — Researchers from the University of California-Los Angeles reported Wednesday that marijuana is still the leading cause of drum circles, confirming that…
HOUSTON — Local woman Claudia Sims was criticized yesterday for wearing a NASA T-shirt, despite the fact that she has never traveled outside of the…
BROOKLYN, N.Y.— Local audiophile Shelby Hastings reportedly ended a promising Tinder date prematurely last night after accepting an invite up to Daniel Estrada’s apartment and…
WASHINGTON — A harrowing new study by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency found that the encroaching threat of climate change will turn what would be…
Maintaining a full adult schedule is difficult enough. Working a job AND cleaning the house? PASS. But we all do what we need to do…
WASHINGTON — Congressional members from both sides of the aisle put aside partisan differences last week, coming together to ruthlessly mock the band of Rep.…
DUBLIN, Ohio — Local creep Alex Gallarzo commented openly yesterday afternoon on the future sexuality of a six-year-old girl while in line at the Dublin…