These days it’s no secret that self-care is of the utmost importance. Recently, there’s been a lot of talk about removing toxic people from your…
KEY WEST, Fla. — Pitchfork meteorologist Janine Pera officially rated tropical storm Lorenzo a 3.7 today just before the storm is scheduled to make landfall,…
LOS ANGELES — Industrial rock musician Marilyn Manson is growing increasingly frustrated and distraught over high-profile mass shootings in the U.S. and his apparent lack…
MINNEAPOLIS — Bassist and Delta Airlines pilot Chris Hamming swore today he had no idea how, minutes before his Boeing 757 was about to take…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Community leaders gathered today to declare local chronically homeless man Arthur Waddel a historical landmark, holding a grand ceremony to mark…
FLINT, Mich. — Documentarian Bernard Oliver “simply had no choice” but to make his own life story an integral part of the fabric of his…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Security personnel kept a close eye last night on a shady-looking man standing on the edge of the mosh pit, holding a…
BUMFUCK, Iowa — The small, central Iowa town of Bumfuck announced plans today to honor its eponymous founder Arthur Bumfuck in a centennial festival scheduled…
We get it, you were just passing through and saw enough free samples to fashion together a full meal. You know the food is technically…
ATLANTA — Local man Armand Phillips was arrested yesterday and faces multiple federal charges, ranging from terrorism to reckless endagerment, after parachuting into Hartsfield-Jackson Airport…
NORTH MANCHESTER, Ind. — Middle-aged punk John Miaza recalled today exactly which high school class he was skipping when the first plane crashed into the…
CHESANING, Mich. — A sandwich bag containing approximately four grams of oregano was successfully sold to a group of middle school kids under the pretense…
I’m a simple man that likes the simple things in life. I like rare steak, cold beer, and fishing on Sundays. Unlike some of the…
CHICAGO — A beloved crust punk belonging to the Donovan family died last night on a United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Chicago after…
WASHINGTON — President Trump threw a life-like dummy of himself moments ago off a bridge onto sharp rocks below to seemingly avoid being impeached for…