CUPERTINO, Calif. — Longtime Apple technical writer Jerry Perrywinkle released a passionate yet long-winded statement today about his 18 years as the author of Apple’s…
WASHINGTON — Distant smoke signals spotted by staff at local gay bar Pitchers earlier today confirmed that the bachelorette party of Becky Cartwright was en…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local man Dan Traver warned friends this morning that his roommate Will Fu’s tweeting of various Elliott Smith lyrics will likely “…turn…
BOWIE, Md. — The entire staff at Free State Digital deduced today that a general housekeeping email from HR, despite being sent officewide, was really…
MARTINEZ, Calif. — An awards ceremony at Gravel-Doyle High School was disrupted today by students claiming that Jimmy Brooks, the dead boy who inspired the…
LOS ANGELES — Professional amateur rude boy Devin Taft is confident he’ll nail his “perfect” moves for his upcoming “Dancing with the Stars” audition, unsurprised…
NANUET, N.Y. — Pop punk trio Oxford Drama announced today a nation-spanning, month-long tour, strategically coinciding with the month their guitarist and designated show booker…
OKLAHOMA CITY — After the Hunt singer Joey Balducci maintained his uncomfortable insistence yesterday that his band play exclusively all-ages shows in order to “please…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Filmmaker John Waters recreated one of his finest cinematic moments this week with a hologram of the late drag queen Divine eating…
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — DrudgeCo branch manager Topher Ranetsburg admitted earlier today that while he is “generally aware” of the multiple sexual harassment allegations filed under…
SEATTLE — Depression and anxiety unexpectedly announced a co-headlining secret show last night at the prefrontal cortex venue inside the brain of Matt Daytona, leading…
Every year tens of thousands of immigrants from impoverished, war-torn countries seek asylum in the United States. Here at The Hard Times, our immigrant policy…
LOS ANGELES — Instagram celebrity Mayo the Corgi, also known by the handle @CheckOutMayOverbite, filed a lawsuit yesterday in Los Angeles County against owner Carly…
CHICAGO — Tattooed members of touring hardcore band Sin Eater are reportedly tired of fielding questions as to whether or not they are chefs every…
NEW YORK — The New York City Department of Parks and Recreation released today its highly anticipated annual summer guide, which now includes the best…