OAKLAND, Calif. — Employees working at the famed Nothing But Their Chains Anarchist Bookstore did not know quite how to handle a robbery at the…
You there! The band of merry men with smiles on their faces and the $25 gift certificate to the mall. Do you think this is…
JUPITER, Fla. — Local woman Kim Vandiver’s search history is cluttered for the fourth day in a row with Buzzfeed quizzes and Craigslist apartments she…
DERBY, Vt. — The John Adams High School student council have launched a successful post-prom event, considered less aggressive and generally more experimental than the…
NEW YORK — Spotify project manager Diego Valenzuela received an unprecedented raise of $0.00437 today for single-handedly rebuilding the streaming platform’s advertisement system from the…
PHILADELPHIA — Local pervert David Bell could not climax this morning during his daily commute after noticing another bus rider openly nursing her infant, multiple…
Warning: this heartwarming story will make you cry. When 28-year old singer-songwriter Mikey Delbond recently damaged his beloved Martin guitar beyond repair, he thought his…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local Guitar Center sales associate Dan Shin deemed a customer’s routine purchase “pretty sick” earlier this week, sources close to the enthusiastic…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local mechanic and outspoken male feminist Elias Murphy finally received his copy of Forbes magazine’s “Most Powerful Women” last week, proudly displaying…
Acclaimed ogre and Hollywood superstar Shrek is best known for the proliferation of nude photos containing his likeness on the internet and his publicly turbulent…
Dear Scabby: I hit a child driving home from work. This was 3 years ago. I haven’t told anyone. What should I do?! -CLUMSY Dear…
TEMPE, Ariz. — Local punk Arnie Parker vowed to take the crown for the worst tattoos back from modern hip-hop music with a marathon home…
NEW YORK — Dating website OkCupid announced on Wednesday that they added a new filter, enabling users to search for potential partners with a Black…
NEW YORK CITY — Rolling Stone magazine announced today it would be scaling back the latest version of its popular special feature, merely ranking the…
FUCK FUCK FUCK: Internet Tough Guy Also Actual Tough Guy
DETROIT — Reddit user Gary Johannson accidentally messed yesterday with the one tough guy on the Internet who wasn’t lying, unintentionally putting Johannson in the…