It was November 11th, 2016. Socially-minded people like me were crying on sidewalks outside of Trader Joe’s locations all across the country. Did this mean…
SKULL MOUNTAIN — The dreaded dragon Pwaun, bringer of fire and pain, was awoken from slumber yesterday upon his hoarded collection of medium-sized band T-shirts…
HARTFORD, Conn. — An elite extraction unit was called in last night to save local hardcore kid Tom Rodrigues from a swirling mosh pit after…
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Local zine Weedkiller published their annual list this morning of the hunkiest, most eligible bachelors of Charlotte’s extremely niche stoner sludge scene,…
EL PASO, Texas — Local musician Lenny Windsor was sentenced to two consecutive life sentences today for his part in a wild game of “Fuck,…
Dear Scabby: How do I tell my long distance boyfriend that I still live with my parents? -HOMEBOUND HOTTIE Dear Homebound Hottie: My parents once…
STAUNTON, Va. — Members of local band Schrödinger’s Wëasel are reportedly questioning bassist Wade Carr’s supposed graphic design experience, which appears limited to creating stick…
WASHINGTON — President Trump reversed this morning an Obama-era policy limiting the amount of guitar solos butt rock bands could include in a single song,…
NEW YORK — Famed film auteur Wes Anderson unceremoniously announced today that his next movie would be about “a sad guy watching birds or some…
CHICAGO — Local man Mason Townsend is in stable condition this morning after being bit by an aggressive crust punk and involuntarily sprouting a dreadlock,…
FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. — A bowl of overnight oats successfully converted last week into a barely recognizable “glob of total shit” nearly one month…
As a musician I pursue art for human connection. We all have a story to share. There are few stories more honorable than those of…
DURHAM, N.C. — James Polk High School maintenance workers found yesterday an extensive collection of vintage hacky sacks, some accidentally kicked onto the roof over…
JACKSON, Miss. — A Department of Sanitation report released early this morning stated that giant piles of garbage in passenger seats of messy cars across…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix surprised subscribers today by releasing the entirety of its original, 1,200-part documentary This Happens Everywhere, chronicling the Catholic Church’s abuse…