OMAHA, Neb. — A decades-old Rancid T-shirt finally crossed the threshold last week from a piece of dingy, raggedy garbage that offended all who gazed…
Dear Scabby: My X gf, the one who taught me that mutual resentment is a strong enough bond to keep two people together, made a…
LOS ANGELES — Singer Kelly Rowland surprised fans across the globe by dropping a surprise Nutrisystem infomercial on deep cable late last night, ecstatic sources…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Democratic Presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke reportedly one-upped his countertop-hopping antics last night, crashing a high-school house party and asking if anyone…
As a herpetologist specializing in the care and handling of large snakes, I can tell you that there are many misnomers regarding the desires of…
SAN DIEGO — Entomologists at the California Center for Insect Study published a paper today detailing the fascinating life cycle of the common Iron Maiden…
PARIS — Local legend and longtime Notre-Dame resident Quasimodo will now be known as “The Hunchback of Holiday Inn” after being safely evacuated from the…
PITTSBURGH — Local DIY lifestyle advocate and sexually frustrated man Peter Jansen unveiled today his self-made sex robot, which looks worryingly like a refrigerator with…
INDIO, Calif. — Urban legends and age-old folklore circulating at this year’s Coachella allege that “abundant, hassle-free” beer awaits revelers in a rarely-trodden, enigmatic corner…
BOSTON — Local Skinhead Against Racial Prejudice [SHARP] Matt Pine was overjoyed yesterday for the latest of his countless days explaining the distinction between traditional…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk Noah Slafer scoured the internet last night to find out whether he should view Julian Assange as a right-wing puppet…
INDIO, Calif. — Democrats are investigating White House Senior Adviser Jared Kushner for receiving an all-access, VIP pass to Coachella that will grant him access…
LONDON — Wikileaks founder Julian Assange was arrested in London this morning on suspicion of leaking the location of a secret show to a collection…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — High school freshman and self-described punk Michael Wade is calling his family’s upcoming Walt Disney World vacation his “Southeast Tour,” despite having…
Is it just me, or is everyone super bummed about climate change? While the lame-o’s waste their time composting and not having babies, the rest…