GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Local woman Carrie Schwalbach’s new boyfriend is nothing more than a reissued edition of her ex with new cover art, disappointing…
LAS VEGAS — U.S. Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders could not take the debate stage until he found someone to take over his post at his…
FILLMORE, Minn. — Researchers confirmed today that crust punk James “Pyrofuck” Polinita is officially the first human completely immune to Chronic Wasting Disease — popularly…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Legendary childhood diseases Measles and Polio will co-headline an upcoming U.S. tour, thanks entirely to the countless parents who absolutely refuse to…
Dear Scabby: I just got out of a five-month relationship, but find myself eager to start dating again. Out of respect, I think I should…
MESA, Ariz. — Aging punk and once-devoted skateboarder Mike Ireland has only now begun to fully comprehend the implied consequences of his old “skate or…
LOS ANGELES — 43-year-old burnout and failure Tom Johnson noted this morning that author Charles Bukowski was 50 years old when his first widely published…
“It can’t be true,” you say. “There must have been a mix-up or the reporter got the name wrong.” Your heart races. The hair on…
Bernie Sanders Stuck with Six Gallons of Lentil Stew Following Poorly-Attended Food Not Bombs Meetup
Bernie Sanders Stuck with Six Gallons of Lentil Stew Following Poorly-Attended Food Not Bombs Meetup
LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders reportedly has nearly six gallons of uneaten lentil stew after a local Food Not Bombs meetup failed…
FAIRFAX, Va. — The NRA condemned New Zealand today as “hypocrites” for failing to crack down on legendary bladed weapons and enchanted objects of immeasurable…
MANCHESTER, N. H. — Democratic Presidential Candidate Bernie Sanders announced today that he is seeking additional staff for his election campaign, looking in particular for…
Dear Scabby: When will YOU come to Brazil? Does Bruno Mars is gay? -ANONYMOUS Dear Anonymous: Why would I pay to go to Brazil when…
Today, we have ranked every single one of UK white supremacist band Skrewdriver’s full-length albums— but it didn’t have to be this way. If you…
EL PASO, Texas — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was questioned by police on Tuesday after calling to report himself for skating on his own…
ASHEVILLE, N. C. — Local songwriter-turned-comedian Emmett Buxton’s Moleskine notebook, once used solely for creative purposes, now contains more grocery lists than anything else, apathetic…