MONTREAL — Adult entertainment company Brazzers’ Blowhemian Rhapsody, a “porn parody” of the Academy Award-winning Queen biopic Bohemian Rhapsody, is being hailed by fans and…
I love Game of Thrones so obviously I’m a huge fan of sprawling, borderline incoherent epics featuring multiple installments of varying quality. This is why…
VERO BEACH, Fla. — Groom-to-be Anthony Minor realized last week that he has no idea what his close friend’s real first name is, second-hand-embarrassed sources…
LANCASTER, Pa. — Married couple Jennifer Schultz-Markakis and Dwayne Markakis are now using an underutilized set of nipple clamps to keep a bag of sour…
PHILADELPHIA — Local man Alec Bayliff wore his finest Philadelphia Flyers jersey to his arraignment this morning to face his most recent charges for grand…
LOS ANGELES — Johnny Rotten and Marky Ramone nearly came to blows on stage Wednesday evening at a promotional event for the Epix network’s new Punk…
Dear Scabby: I quit my shitty serving job in a moment of rage this past week. The only issue is me and my girlfriend have…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — The new “gutterhaus” subscription box service is disrupting the living-on-the-streets industry by delivering artisanal cardboard boxes to gutter punks every single…
A new scientific study conducted by you, your roommate’s unemployed boyfriend, and your dog Rocco via contact high, has concluded that the cops are outside…
MARION, Iowa — Local woman Richelle Sumner has undertaken the responsibility of helping her friends learn more about themselves through her tarot card readings, despite…
Hollywood’s Unattainable Beauty Standards Are Damaging to Ugly, Up-and-Coming Serial Killers Like Me
Hollywood’s Unattainable Beauty Standards Are Damaging to Ugly, Up-and-Coming Serial Killers Like Me
It’s hard out here for a serial killer. I have to plan every detail, cover my tracks, choose the perfect victim, and remember to save…
BOSTON — Longtime scene veteran Tom Williams wistfully pined yesterday for his scene’s bygone era that featured rampant, unprovoked stabbings, lamenting the decreasing rate of…
SARGENT’S PURCHASE, N.H. — Local punk rocker and first-time mountain climber Danny Trumble died tragically yesterday after using his carabiner keychain for climbing purposes, devastated…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Local man Aaron Garcia risked the loss of a potentially lifelong friendship last night over a nearly immeasurable chance of hooking up…
Dear Scabby: I’ve been in love with my best friend for about 5 years. But only just recently got the guts to admit it, but…