MINNEAPOLIS, Minn. — Local law enforcement veteran Sergeant David Maddison drew praise from fellow officers for deftly concealing his identity to evade community criticism and…
Regardless of your relationship status, the past year of quarantine and lockdown has certainly put added stress on everyone’s love life. It took my partner…
JIM THORPE, Penn. — Craigslist user Hampton Bellamy sold a badly damaged and completely non-functional Kustom amplifier yesterday after listing it on the website “as…
NEW YORK ⏤ Recently debuted African American muppet Elijah Walker was fatally shot by Sesame Street police after officers mistakenly identified the number seven being…
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — A recent study of your entire friend group came to the unimpeachable conclusion that Daniel Jordan, the biggest fuck up you…
LONDON — Cartoon bassist for the virtual indie rock group Gorillaz, Murdoc Niccals, died of a cartoon heroin overdose Wednesday, a cartoon doctor wearing a…
WASHINGTON — Democratic members of the U.S. legislature announced today that, “Fuck it, we’re gonna lower the minimum wage,” following backlash from supporters frustrated by…
The big music publications are scared. No one clicks on articles anymore except for clickbait-y Top 100 lists. They would all go out of business…
SANDUSKY, Ohio — The Pop Punk Diocese of Ohio is facing a wave of criticism following the transfer of a frontman who faced multiple accusations…
CHICAGO — Local metalhead, avid corpse paint donner and frequent leather pants wearer Zachary Petrosyan is reportedly fed up with constantly being mistaken for a…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Members of notorious local punk house “Dish Pitt” finally found disappeared roommate Jon “Scuzzy” Baker last week when they began their every-other-two-years…
ST. LOUIS — Local man who is living with functional depression, Dan Sousa, surprised exactly no one after it was learned that he can’t even…
PRESCOTT, Ariz. — FBI Agent Dan Trolley defused a tense standoff with local police over the jurisdiction of a crime scene with a well-timed racist…
DRAG KINGDOM — The tyrannical Drag Queen known as Cleo Fabtra was overthrown in an absolutely fabulous revolution by drag peasants yesterday who were fed…
BERLIN — A group of punks and aspiring assassins traveled eighty years back in time only to fail in their attempt to kill Adolph Hitler…