HOUSTON — Tragedy nearly stuck at a nearby Long John Silver’s last Sunday when no concerned patrons or workers felt comfortable administering CPR on choking…
MILWAUKEE — Vince Normand, an active member of the local swing and rockabilly scenes, announced this morning that he was unsure which “hepcat” or “Betty”…
This fucking guy. Our so called “president” (aka “45” because I refuse to even say Donald Trump’s name) is a complete fucking idiot that we…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Senior VICE editor Archie Jenkins sprinted from his office in Williamsburg yesterday after remembering he coerced a freelance reporter into infiltrating a…
If there is one thing that journalists (and marijuana-sex content creators) need to shout right now, it is that we need to be paid for…
Hate comes from ignorance. It’s a manifestation of fear of the unknown. As an ivy league educated, well-traveled individual, I have experienced people of many…
SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Local dad Carl Coleman threw caution to the wind last night and mimicked an electric guitar solo with his pool cue during…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local man Geoff Kaplan was overly critical and harsh this afternoon while discussing astrology stereotypes with friends, sources close to the obvious…
NEW ORLEANS — Local punk Sarah Moreno was seen scouring the crowd at a show last night for her blind date, a “white guy in…
Who the fuck does this band ‘Propagandhi’ think they are? I just listened to their latest piece of anti-American garbage, Today’s Empires, Tomorrow’s Ashes, and…
SPOKANE, Wash. — Members of the Spokane DIY punk scene are reluctantly preparing to help local women who will lose access to vital healthcare services,…
Dear Scabby: I currently have crushes on two coworkers. What should I do? -PROFESSIONALLY TORN IN PITTSBURGH Dear Professionally Torn in Pittsburgh: First off, I’d…
PHOENIX — An “A.C.A.B.” knuckle tattoo reminded recovering amnesiac Marcus Spence last night exactly how he feels about law enforcement officials, following an encounter with…
DENVER — Local man Myron Brewer’s usual self-deprecating remarks are increasingly becoming uncomfortably accurate, visibly uneasy friends report. “He’s always been pretty down on himself,…
CLEVELAND, Miss. — Local hardcore guy and “fucking wild man” Rodney O’Dell is reportedly having the best night of his life, watching one of his…