GREENSBORO, N.C. — An aging drum kit living with local parents Barbara and Sam Willett has no imminent plans to leave, despite staying in their…
LOS ANGELES — Ticketing sales and distribution leader Ticketmaster announced their new “Fuck You Fee” today, adding an extra charge of $5.15 on all tickets…
PLANO, Texas — Pizza Hut president Artie Starrs announced this morning via a conference call with shareholders that the restaurant chain will release a new,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Fans of popular post-punk band Joy Division lined up for hours overnight to pick up a new reissue of the beloved 1979…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) This is the best week of the year to listen to your creative urges, Aries — try rolling your…
For those of you who don’t know, I am a father to a beautiful baby boy. Or girl! Please don’t be offended- I’m genderblind. And…
WASHINGTON — An Alcoholics Anonymous meeting was disrupted Friday evening when 27-year-old straight edge kid Drew “‘Till Death” Jackson arrived to announce his 10,000 day…
LOS ANGELES — Perpetually unemployed boyfriend Liam Womack announced yesterday that he will cease failing to author novels to pursue procrastinating on writing screenplays, apprehensive…
Now that we have some distance from the launch of Hannah Gadsby’s groundbreaking special Nanette, I decided it’s time to mine for deeper meaning of…
Great news for everyone here at our anarchist co-op! Folk punk legend and singer of “Scuzzy Steve and the Trash Panda Express,” Steve Termini, has…
CHICAGO — Local record collector Toni Joyce organized her extensive vinyl collection yesterday by whatever basic life necessity the money spent on the record should…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Local punk and 7” record collector Oliver Haggarty fully believes that vinyl records requiring listeners to sit for two minutes, and then…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) There’s no faster way to an Aries’ heart than a well-timed compliment. You know it, and, unfortunately, so does…
CLEVELAND — Local child Dixie “Shortcake” Ross was utterly bewildered this week when her first day of kindergarten revealed a world unlike anything she’s ever…
ALLEN, Texas. — Annette Martin is allegedly tired of her husband’s foray into live music as a band-aid for his mid-life crisis, telling friends she…