I am so sick of hearing people complain about this administration and their idealistic, unrealistic expectations of assassinating Donald Trump. Does anyone really believe that…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — A new documentary chronicling the creation of the Creedence Clearwater Revival song “Fortunate Son” will feature a brief appearance from the obscure,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Recent transplant and aspiring landlord Jenny Holmes is “surprisingly cool,” according to her first tenants, as she is allegedly willing to be…
COCKEYSVILLE, Md. — Computer scientists have successfully created a new algorithm for punks, elitists, and adherents to all things “alt” to keep up with all…
BALTIMORE — Barbecue attendee James Duffy was disappointed to learn this afternoon that vegan host Terry Russo provided meat options for his guests, forcing Duffy…
Over the past few years, we as a society have faced a number of difficult conversations. We’ve discussed systemic racism with #blacklivesmatter. We’ve explored rampant…
SEATTLE — Recently relocated musician Nadine Oliver is still finding her way hating the city chosen last month as her new home, according to neighbors…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Keep your cool this week, Aries. Temper tantrums are like rocks in rochambeau — you should only throw them…
Wealth distribution across the world is highly unequal and the fact that only eight people hold on to 50% of the world’s money is shocking.…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Gravel took home the honors last night for the most damaging and uncomfortable surface to drunkenly face-plant onto after a long…
NEW YORK — Bartender Chad Gallo reached out to ex-girlfriend Ashley Thomas last Monday with a text reading “U up?” at around 3 p.m., multiple…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Not a great week for confrontation, Aries. Yes, you’ll definitely regret dropping $150 on doner kebabs for a bunch…
TAMPA, Fla. — Independent researcher Spencer Griffith uncovered a “bombshell” yesterday in the continuing Stormy Daniels-Donald Trump story, discovering over 80 Stormy Daniels sex tapes…
DERRY, Maine — Local punk Liberty Van Zandt is running out of blank skin for commemorating her dead pets, and is expected to be fully…
MINNEAPOLIS — A 1986 Ford Econoline van baffled onlookers and scientists alike last night after somehow inhabiting two separate parking spaces at precisely the same…