ATLANTA -— Stubborn, delusional punk Drew Blaney, who has lost a third of his mohawk due to his receding hairline, will not fix his increasingly…
EUGENE, Ore. — Anarcho-bike collective Skid Stop made a surprising daylight attack on capitalism today, dropping off at Berkman’s Books more than 20 copies of…
Look, I’m not one to complain. I am well aware of my privilege and I absolutely to not want to come off as ungrateful for…
They say your life can change in the blink of an eye. All I wanted was a forearm tattoo so that I would be more…
Well they’ve finally done it. Congress has trespassed on our rights to free speech to an unprecedented degree. By changing Section 230 of the 1996…
MESA, Ariz. — Local man Russell Garcia is worried his six-week-old relationship could “turn into something more serious that will take up precious time,” despite…
When the Avicii song “Wake Me Up” came out I was living in the desert. It sucked. There was one bar so I’d go to…
SANTA ROSA, Calif. — Prep cook and marijuana enthusiast Alan Fisher inadvertently used his nunchucks for their deeper, lifelong purpose when he traded the impractical…
ANSBACH, GERMANY — Indianapolis-born stoner Pvt. Jason Jordan is “lighting up a nice fatty” at 16:20 every day as he adjusts to his military service,…
BOISE, Idaho — The freshly cleaned bedroom of local woman Megan O’Leary is “anxiously excited” to meet O’Leary’s potential sexual partner later this evening, sources…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Mercury is finally out of the dickhead zone for you, so enjoy the reprieve. Use the time to subject everyone to…
STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Measureworks IT technician Jeff Simmins left dozens of bar patrons perplexed last night after singing “Svefn-g-englar” by Icelandic avant-rock band Sigur…
While adults are busy arguing on Facebook or getting their daily propaganda from Fox News, one high school junior is taking an active role to…
CHICAGO — Local man Tom Bencin, who recently spent $35 on a Pussyslaughter T-shirt that reads “#1 PUSSY MURDERER” in giant letters, has not yet…
INDIO, Calif. –– Swarms of honeybees began their annual trek to the Coachella music festival early Friday morning to pollinate thousands of flower crowns worn…