BOSTON — Hundreds of new straight edge recruits received their standard issue black sheep tattoos this morning in a traditional Edge Day celebration, witnesses confirmed.…
TAMPA, Fla. – Ellen Hayes, wife of Tampa Bay Buccaneers linebacker Ralph Hayes, marked herself “safe” on Facebook last week after a recent tropical storm,…
VANCOUVER, British Columbia — Journalist and musician Nardwuar is nervously awaiting the nominations for the upcoming Servie Awards, friends close to the interviewer confirmed. “He…
BROOKLYN, N.Y — Polyamorous partners Holly Byrne and Amanda Bartlow pledged their never-ending commitment to one another, and to giving unrelenting, unsolicited advice to others…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — 26-year-old Marcus Quinn, giving the appearance of a normal Millennial man on the surface, is completely incapable of expressing emojis, confirmed…
HUNTINGTON, N.Y. — Members of the Colombo family have successfully hidden their marijuana use from each other for years despite being open about it with…
ATLANTA — Georgia man Scott Stevens claimed today that the festival he’s attending has somehow prevented him from showering since Wednesday, despite the festival being…
Widespread oppression and under-representation of minority groups is an issue that plagues our society as a whole. This issue has gone on long enough and I…
I’m sick and tired of hearing all these bullshit arguments against the removal of confederate monuments in our country. Whether you’re a white nationalist, a…
OMG! We can just not get enough of this adorable little newborn boy, Tweezer Carson. Not only was this little rocker born during an epic…
WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Canadian political-punk band Propagandhi released their seventh studio album this week with Victory Lap, which features 16 pages of footnotes with each…
SILVER SPRING, Md. — Local punk Jeremy Henderson realized he’d been duped into eating at a vegan restaurant moments after sitting down to dinner with…
MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Mario Mario, an illegal immigrant to Mushroom Kingdom from Italy, tore down a Bowser flag today after stomping on a group of…
LONDON — The fourth season of British tech-horror television show Black Mirror is expected to take on some new themes this year, including phones “talking,…
Being in a touring hardcore band is never easy. Countless hours stuck in a van, playing shows every night, trying to eat healthy, getting enough…