SEATTLE — After Amazon’s announcement it would purchase grocery store chain Whole Foods Market, CEO Jeff Bezos shared schematics for new robotic workers engineered to replicate…
It is a wonderful thing when a song’s lyrics define who you are as a person. It’s even more wonderful when you want those lyrics…
Alright, LISTEN UP, you stupid, mouth-breathing, McDonald’s-eating, SUV-driving idiots. We only get one planet Earth, and you ASSHOLES are KILLING IT! I hope being able…
PHILADELPHIA — Local 33-year-old Seth Bourne is completely unable and unwilling to buy any shoes that are not specifically designed for skateboarding, according to concerned…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — An unsolicited rubbing of the arm of local woman Sarah Collins early yesterday evening confirmed her three tattoos as “100 percent authentic,”…
It’s a complex web of ideologies out there. Our society both progresses and regresses a mile a minute, and if you don’t keep up, you…
BROOKLYN — A neighborhood garden has been left to the elements a full 60 days ahead of projections in a “triumph of underachievement,” according to…
It is very important that cisgender white males like myself take our privilege and use it in service to various communities that need our support.…
SEATTLE — A local couple expecting their first child began to baby-proof their lifestyle earlier this month, requiring major alterations to their array of facial…
CHICAGO — It may seem like an odd fit: farm-to-table meals served in a neighborhood once known for arson and gang activity. But the new…
Not every hero fights on the front line. I mean, most can be found there, and that’s cool, but what about the rest of us?…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — “Woke dude” Pete McNamara lulled a once-thriving party into collective slumber after vocalizing his socially progressive opinions, according to extremely disinterested listeners.…
As the saying goes, opinions are like Black Flag tattoos: we’ve all got them and a few of them we regret. Of my 27 Black…
It takes courage to shed your own privilege and walk a mile in another’s less fortunate (but admittedly stylish) shoes. Last fall, I did exactly…
Going vegan 6 months ago was the best decision you ever made and you’ve made sure to let EVERYONE know it. Sure, you might have lost…