COVINGTON, Ky. — Neophyte bassist Braxton Reynolds came to the startling realization last week that his metronome apparently jumps wildly in tempo while he practices,…
MILWAUKEE — Local 24-year-old adult person Travis Parkes will be prosecuted in juvenile court next week after a judge’s ruling of, “I mean, look at…
LOS ANGELES — Filmmaker and occasional musician Rob Zombie has completed an exhaustive search of over 1,000 actresses to star in his latest film, ultimately…
PITTSBURGH — Local Instagram user Charlie Guerrero found a distressed message at the bottom of her feed yesterday, stating that she had consumed all of…
WESTON, Conn. — Local physicians used dental records yesterday to identify the body of legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards during a routine visit, despite…
LOS ANGELES — Out-of-work actor and outspoken conservative Kevin Sorbo sent his professional headshot to political commentator and apparent filmmaker Ben Shapiro in the off-chance…
LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Local woman Bette DeVargas made use of her time home during the Coronavirus pandemic by turning every single pair of her…
OAKLAND, Calif. — The local Oakland hardcore scene announced today that it will collectively convert to being a heavily tattooed running group after months of…
PAWTUCKET, R.I. — Conservative pundits outraged by Hasbro’s announcement that Mr. Potato Head would become gender-neutral immediately created petitions to ensure the company would not…
DULUTH, Minn. — Local determined man Chris Vazquez went overboard Tuesday evening when he ate an entire bag of Lay’s potato chips in an effort…
OVIEDO, Fla.— Local emotional support dog Reggie is under fire today for acting as more of an enabler for his owner’s anxieties rather than diminishing…
WASHINGTON — Independent venue owner Joe Englert panicked early yesterday morning after realizing he’s left sound guy Jake Montgomery locked in his club DC9 since…
WARRINGTON, Pa. — Local man and guy who “maybe enjoys an occasional drink, no big deal” Dennis Walsh realized yesterday that alcoholism is the only…
OAKLAND, Calif. — Local singer-songwriter Vince Valdez is less than a dozen woke Tweets away from eclipsing the massive amount of sexual assault allegations he…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 30-year-old and former band girlfriend Jenna Nuccio was delighted to realize yesterday that she’s finally aged out of dating local musicians,…