WASHINGTON — Capitol security officials announced this morning that the inauguration of President-elect Joe Biden will be secured by 25,000 National Guard Troops and one…
LOS ANGELES — The upcoming fourth installment of the popular “Matrix” movies is expected to shatter records for dumb, pseduo-philisophical discussions in dorm rooms across…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local man Edgar Ruiz admitted today that he would have done things much differently if he knew that the most recent time…
KINGS PARK, N.Y. — 41-year-old Pantera megafan Ray “Nickelbag” Shipley is still enrolled in 11th grade at Kings Park High School, as well as nightly…
BALTIMORE — Local thrash metal band Gynosphinx reportedly spent close to $500 to soundproof their practice space last week out of respect for their neighbors…
Man Wondering if One of the Horny MILFs in His Area Could Maybe Just Show Him How to Iron His Shirts
Man Wondering if One of the Horny MILFs in His Area Could Maybe Just Show Him How to Iron His Shirts
SUMMERVILLE, S.C. — Local man Aaron Metcalfe is hoping today that one of the apparently hundreds of horny MILFs in his area advertised on PornHub…
WASHINGTON — Capitol Police instructed potential rioters today to “just use the same route as last time” in response to growing concerns around another possible…
LOS ANGELES — A study from the TV ratings conglomerate Nielsen found that Americans spend an average of 12% of their income on streaming services…
BAYSHORE, N.Y. — Local stressed out man Tanner Beggins took a brief pause moments ago from wailing into his scream pillow to flip it over…
LONDON — Queen Elizabeth II announced today that she will knight either Liam or Noel Gallagher of famed 90s Britpop group Oasis to quell her…
WASHINGTON — President-elect Joe Biden and his administration offered pizza today to any citizens willing to help move some boxes out of the White House…
WASHINGTON — National Public Radio parted ways with long-time “Fresh Air” host Terry Gross yesterday after the controversial Philadelphia radio personality asked guest U.S. Poet…
Hey, Alexa? I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about how this Coronavirus vaccine is actually a tracking device created by the government to keep…
SAN FRANCISCO — The hosts of the Discovery Channel show “Mythbusters” reunited yesterday to test the myth that a man died by tasing himself in…
DENVER — Julian Rodriguez, guitarist of Black Sabbath tribute act Supernauts, fought back tears this morning as he purchased a Ryobi circular saw with his…