TOKYO — The Seikoi Museum of Sex in Kabuki-cho, the red-light district of Japan’s capital, opened its doors for the first time earlier this week…
HOUSTON — Scientists at NASA monitoring the Perseverance Rover made a startling discovery today when it sent back photos of GWAR rehearsing on Mars, multiple…
Dude, we got this new strain of weed from Maryland called “Bong Hit Transplant,” and it will melt your face. Anyway, me and my friends…
LOS ANGELES — Local therapist Dr. Dana Therenspoon gave their patient exactly one month to live during a routine check-in, after months of increasingly lame…
WASHINGTON — President Biden signed a sweeping new bill into law earlier today which will finally address the issue of student loan debt relief by…
I don’t want to brag, but I have figured out the secret to life. I know how to keep it all together, now. It’s not…
CINCINNATI — Your Mom is wondering if you’ll be home for her annual 4th of July barbecue, or if you’ll be too busy with this…
SEATTLE — Neighborhood watch app Nextdoor crashed early this afternoon after users self-snitched on their own Fourth of July barbeque celebrations out of habit, according…
CENTRALIA, Wash. — Local patriot Rick Staler is concerned that the size of the flags mounted in the bed of his Dodge Ram 1500 may…
SANDUSKY, Ohio — Local punk Curtis “Copkiller” Richards reportedly ceased his habit of constant slander against the United States while enjoying a few kosher beef…
LOS ANGELES — MasterClass released a five-hour course on circumventing manslaughter charges taught by legendary filmmaker, and director of “The Twilight Zone” movie segment which…
PITTSBURGH — Local punk Sam Allister’s life built entirely on doing things out of spite for the extreme bitterness of this fucked world is actually…
HARRISONBURG, Va. — Lifelong fan of outlaw country music Chris Harper is also a fervent supporter of law enforcement in all its forms, going as…
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Self-proclaimed author of the next great American novel Frank Trotsky recently came to the terrible realization that his “rock bottom” was going…
HEAVEN — Local benevolent being, God, ended the life of former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld today as a formal apology for the whole “letting…