Sure it’s empowering to act on emotion and rage against the machine, but as you get older, you’ll learn that an idealistic outlook is unsustainable…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local Guitar Center manager Marcella Doyle was taken aback earlier this week when alternative rock band Everclear began signing autographs and selling…
GEORGETOWN, Del. — Local man Ben Hartsock resumed his normal business of yelling at skateboarders for trespassing in a parking lot less than 24 hours…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Dave Landers received the COVID-19 vaccine on Thursday and is now looking forward to never, ever washing his hands again, according…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local punk Toni “Skwerm” Malloy was disappointed to find out yesterday that she only budgeted enough for 75% of the bars in…
WASHINGTON — DC-based tour guide Christopher Hollis is currently attempting to quell an insurrection at the Capitol Building in order to provide interesting details about…
WASHINGTON — The Food and Drug Administration today formally ordered the Hot Pockets brand of microwavable frozen sandwiches to remove the word “enjoy” from their…
LOS ANGELES — ‘90s hip hop phenomenon Antoine Roundtree, known professionally as Skee-Lo, knew with confidence exactly which three wishes to solicit during a chance…
AUSTIN, Texas — For the first time in history, American Chess Magazine will release a list of their Top 1 TV Shows of 2020, leaving…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local man Hunter Brayden shared his Instagram Top Nine this week, which consisted entirely of black squares in a transparent attempt to…
CUMBERLAND, Md. — Residents of local punk house the Couch Arsenal rotated the only ashtray on the premises yesterday to allow guests easier access, wheezy…
VESTAL, N.Y. — An impromptu stop at arts and crafts supply store Michael’s last Sunday silently confirmed the relationship status of Liz Satrano and Sam…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Married best friends Lisa Johnson and Matt Kennedy have made a pact to get divorced if they are still unhappy by the…
WOODSTOWN, N.J. — Local punk Alice Moretti thought of “the sickest” melody while shaving her armpits in the shower moments ago, only to forget it…
MUNCIE, Ind. – World-renowned, curmudgeonly orange cat Garfield has forgotten which day of the week he famously hates due to prolonged quarantine, comic strip sources…