ROANOKE, Va. — Local mother Jodi Forenza fulfilled her 26-year-old son Tony’s Christmas wish by purchasing him a three-pack of soiled underwear from his favorite…
LEWISBURG, W.V. — A $35 gift card for the Kroger grocery store chain, courtesy of local mamaw Juanita Crabb, is expected to supersede all other…
SALEM, Mass. — The occult community was rocked to its core yesterday after paranormal researcher and television host Aaron Todd found “unusual readings” on a…
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. — Friends and family of Mariah Carey’s boyfriend Bryan Tanaka are increasingly concerned about his poorly thought-out decision to not give a…
PHILADELPHIA — Highly influential emo band Crowquill reportedly split today after producing just 30 minutes of recorded music and playing two live shows over the…
RENO, Nev. — Local man Josh Stegman reportedly now prefers the worst part of the concert experience to no experience at all, sending Ticketmaster $18.50…
LONDON — Elderly miser Ebenezer Scrooge is recovering in his palatial estate today after being exposed to COVID-19 following a visit from the Ghost of…
ALLSTON, Mass. — Local goth and recent convert to Wicca Willow Bates is insisting to anyone who will listen that there is a “war on…
WASHINGTON — President Trump added a new addendum to the COVID-19 relief bill passed by Congress yesterday, prohibiting American women who he feels are “carrying…
MARQUETTE, Mich. — Local resident Jessica Stabley recently watched 85 episodes of a television series she doesn’t even like, purely due to quarantine-induced boredom, sources…
PITTSBURGH — Your ex-boyfriend Jake Doherty’s new girlfriend, Sara Michaels, will receive the vaccine for the novel coronavirus before you, placing hundreds of millions of…
PORTLAND, Maine — Poland Spring executives announced yesterday that they will re-release their flagship, original recipe water for the first time in over 100 years…
MADISON, Wis. — The breakout Netflix show “The Queen’s Gambit” has reportedly inspired millions of young girls around the globe to take up chess for…
WILMINGTON, N.C. — Hallmark Channel’s signature Christmas-themed romance movies reportedly promote an unhealthy expectation of any kind of human interaction, according to a new study…
LOS ANGELES — A 10-minute exercise in mindful meditation for musician and Trader Joe’s crew member Adrienne Tuckman evolved into a full blown episode of…