OAKLAND, Calif. — Local ghost Cece Quinn is reportedly unreachable unless specifically summoned with a name-brand Ouija board, and promises their contacts extra time if…
ATLANTA — Local writer and amateur philosopher Alex Garfield is still questioning the meaning of life today after receiving an email last week that simply…
LOS ANGELES — 35-year-old self-described “Dashboard Confessional superfan” David Calva awoke today to find his male-pattern baldness went into overdrive, leaving his hair everywhere. “The…
PLYMOUTH, Mass. — Matthew Kearns, a bartender at the Ye Olde Tap House located in the rear corner of a Market Basket supermarket, reportedly has…
NEW YORK — The former members of TLC confirmed a long-held suspicion today that their 1999 hit single “No Scrubs” was written about “Full House”…
HOUSTON — A punk house collapsed yesterday after the eviction of roommate Luis Flores, who it appears was a load-bearing, structurally integral element of the…
PATCHOGUE, N.Y. — Local inebriated man Kevin Donaghue drank a few sips of water before bed moments ago in an effort to dilute the many…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. — A Biohazard patch on local metalhead Barret Boone’s denim jacket is reportedly becoming less of an endorsement of the band and…
BELLEVUE, Wash. — Local 25-year-old man Ryan Mills purchased a medium-sized “Let Russ Cook” Seattle Seahawks T-shirt yesterday, unaware that this will be the last…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — “Christmas Vacation” actor Randy Quaid voiced his support for President Trump yesterday, ruining every sane, cheer-deprived American’s viewing of the holiday…
SEATTLE — Singer Ryan Kemper’s commitment to a sober lifestyle brought an alarming realization yesterday: his band of more than a decade, Voodoo Bukowski, is…
KING OF PRUSSIA, Pa. — Lonesome guitarist Nelson Owens’s only friendly social relationship is reportedly with popular gear website and mail-order catalog Musician’s Friend, bummed…
LOS ANGELES — Members of all-black punk band The ‘Stangs were nominated for a Grammy late last month, but are unsure why they were nominated…
Just because the scene is dead doesn’t mean punk fashion is, and we’ve got the next big body mod trend for punking up your Winter!…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Promising guitarist Liam Doughtery’s guitar career was suddenly terminated yesterday after the introduction of the difficult F major barre chord during…