SEATTLE — Local man Brian Preston failed moments ago to covertly adjust his balls, accidentally drawing the attention of everyone within his eyesight, onlookers confirmed.…
CULVER CITY, Calif. — Former “Pimp My Ride” contestant and man currently living out of “the dopest Civic in SoCal” Russel Burns is begging the…
PHILADELPHIA — Protesters demanding an end to police brutality found themselves in an awkward situation today when they applauded riot police for mercilessly beating the…
SEATTLE — Local punk Branson Jones died from multiple stab wounds last week after falling onto the pin side of his jacket during a session…
BOWIE, Md. — The staff of Free State Digital are reportedly at their wits end over sales rep John Morris’s habit of microwaving, gutting, and…
WASHINGTON — Onlookers at the traditional Thanksgiving White House turkey pardoning ceremony were left unsurprised today after President Trump attempted to sneak his own name…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Music fan Laura Kesrick’s insecurities were confirmed yesterday after discovering an alarming number of favorite albums in the dollar bin of local…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local man Charlie Miller made the bold decision today to only listen to canceled bands on Spotify in order to keep from…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local woman Amber Stevens is looking forward to a return of her favorite pastime of crying outside of bars again once coronavirus…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 13-year-old Damien Glass suddenly sprouted a pencil-line mustache yesterday moments into his first listen of Motorhead’s classic “Ace of Spades,” unreasonably…
JERICHO, N.Y. — Recent college graduate and virtual intern at JPMorgan Chase Danny Galiardi has no idea what to do with a latte in which…
MILWAUKEE — Local man Jeremy Grimm’s sudden infatuation with a newly discovered band was put on hold today pending the results of a search of…
SEATTLE — Conveniently opportunistic “cash only” bar Zoo Tavern allegedly also has an abnormally high $7 ATM fee, patrons who immediately left for a more…
ASHEBORO, N.C. — Local punk Dean Brown set his morals and political ideologies aside again yesterday in order to shop at the Garrett Army &…
SOCORRO, N.M. — A long-forgotten 10-quart pot filled with vegan chili was officially rebranded into a fully-functional composting toilet following the consumption of a box…