BEND, Ore. — Local second grader Kevin Wood spent a day home sick from school and inadvertently imprinted on game show host Drew Carey as…
NASHVILLE — Local woman and occasional defecator Ingrid Fowler was shocked and alarmed to discover her boyfriend’s bathroom had just a few flimsy strands of…
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — A new study by Hofstra University has found that 100 percent of moms nationwide agree they’ve never said anything traumatizing to their…
Booking a show is one of the best ways to support and/or steal from your local scene. But where do you start? Can any idiot…
PITTSBURGH — The latest single by local punk band Dog Sniper used a sample of a “NBC Nightly News” telecast in a transparent attempt to…
SEATTLE — Highly sought-after emotional support golden retriever Dr. Buttons Wigglesworth was reportedly not accepting new patients due to unusually high demand for her services,…
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced earlier this week that fully vaccinated people may safely end the lame-ass relationships they were…
NEW YORK — A mercenary team of ex-special forces, KGB, and other trained combatants attempting to take an entire gala event hostage were single-handedly defeated…
ASHEVILLE, S.C. — A frontline food service worker was stripped of her hero and esteemed “essential” status after forgetting to bring a side of mayonnaise…
SAN FRANCISCO — Self described “ass-guy” Greg Barker considers his preference for women’s asses over their breasts as admission as a member of the LGBTQ…
LOS ANGELES — Members of the paparazzi are reportedly devastated to learn that popstar Britney Spears was being exploited for years through a conservatorship, without…
UNITED STATES — 2021 calendars across the country report that Christmas is only 183 mass shootings away, sources who are counting down the days from…
NEW YORK — NYU student Joanna Ruiz was reportedly charged an additional $34 while talking with customer service to refute a $30 charge to her…
MILWAUKEE — An emerging COVID variant is reportedly optimistic about municipalities dropping their mask mandates across the county and excited to get out of the…
Graphic Designer Completely Unaware He’s Cause of Dozens of Deep State Q Conspiracies
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Local graphic designer Fletcher Townsend remains totally oblivious to the fact that his work portfolio continues to fuel multiple Qanon conspiracies, dozens…