WASHINGTON — A panicked President Trump is debating whether releasing his infamous “pee tape” would help or hurt his chances in the upcoming election, confirmed…
MOULTRIE, Ga. — Local Black man Darius Phillips received an “I Tried to Vote” sticker after waiting in line for over six hours at a…
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Raspy-voiced, leather jacket-clad renegade Det. Mitchell Steele, who by all accounts plays by his own rules, solved a missing child case last…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Local QAnon follower and noted conspiracy theorist Nick Perriman complained to friends today that President Trump is wasting too much time on…
PASADENA, Calif. — “Wildboyz” star Chris Pontius started a voter awareness campaign today that includes showing his balls to strangers and encouraging them to get…
HOUSTON — Locked-down towns across America are seeing record levels of citizens dressing up as famed frontman Glenn Danzig following months of little to no…
SAN DIEGO — Local Mom Linda Hudson turned heads in her neighborhood today by giving out full-sized Xanax bars to visiting trick-or-treaters, leaving many parents…
HOLLYWOOD — McDonald’s announced yesterday the launch of a new fast food cinematic universe, starting with a ‘Hamburglar’ origin movie starring Timothée Chalamet in the…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump once again stoked fear yesterday by warning U.S. citizens that “Antifa terrorists will hide voter fraud in your children’s Halloween…
LOS ANGELES — Local caregiver Sheila Hart apologized to the patrons and staff at the Van Nuys Party City earlier today after a person under…
WASHINGTON — Republicans across the country are drawing up new state maps in a desperate attempt to confuse voters and secure President Trump’s re-election, confirmed…
DETROIT — Right-wing rocker Ted Nugent is set to headline a GOP event at the Dearborn Ice Skating Center tomorrow to help raise money to…
UMTANUM, Wash. — Local single man Cameron Barrett admitted today that he’s been patiently waiting for his high school crush to get divorced so he…
OLATHE, Kan. — Liz Barret, your close lifelong friend and one of the only people whose opinion actually matters to you, skimmed through a few…
GARDINER, Mont. — Sacred Blessings Ranch resident Ricky Valencia has grown impatient with his fellow commune members for repeatedly failing to clean up after themselves…