SEATTLE — Members of local metal band Brutal Stepson reportedly grew heated last night when they couldn’t agree on a setlist, about which the audience…
NEW YORK — Undecided voter Tom O’Reilly is still not sure if any of his top candidates in the city’s upcoming mayoral election are the…
CEDAR HILLS, Ore. — Local casually practicing Wiccans Lois and Timothy Webb told friends earlier this week that, while they are still technically Pagan, they…
DENVER — Recently vaccinated McDonald’s line cook Lydia Dupree was relieved to be able to safely add layers of shimmering spittle to a fucker of…
NEW YORK — Members of glam rock group KISS were spotted using a stockpile of Sephora points at a local store late yesterday morning to…
PHOENIX — Local punk and licensed therapist Dr. Tim “Roach” Rochestky, LPCC, suggested that a patient kick his square fuckhead of a dad off his…
BOSTON — Local therapist Dr. Loic Middleberry attempted to reach new clients by introducing reduced-rate services for sessions focusing exclusively on dad issues in honor…
BOSTON — Local straight edge father Maurice Puckett was depressed upon realizing he would have to say he was going to the corner store for…
NEW YORK — Television executive Arthur Gaines, 73, remains oblivious that the “Frasier” reboot he’s been pitching for the past hour is already a popular…
AUBERRY, Calif. — A local woodpecker, ignoring the desperate pleas of parents, continued to go completely apeshit on a tree that was planted in memory…
LOS ANGELES — Vocalist Trevor Handler of Reseda pop punk band Half-Hazzard insisted that his reluctance to help the band move gear in and out…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Punk legend and resurrected Brood X cicada Titus Umbilicus emerged from the earth this week extremely late and hungover despite the fact…
LOS ANGELES — Local aspiring indie rock musician since he was 14 years old, Adrian Kidwell, reportedly credits his metronome with counting the time he…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Retail clerk Emma Stephenson finally began to feel a sense of normalcy as an unreasonably irate customer screamed directly in her face…
TORONTO — Bashful punk guitarist Skyler Vore acquired a new Orange Rockerverb amp last week, but chose the understated, subtle black tolex color instead of…