BROCKTON, Mass. — Bored police officer Brady Sullivan decided to beat peaceful protesters advocating for racial justice yesterday while only using his left arm so…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Executives at Neversoft, the developer behind the newly released “Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1+2,” announced today that the latest update to…
HYANNIS, Mass. — Local man Kenny Gomez was outed as a “fucking liar” on Tuesday evening upon telling a pharmacy cashier that he does not…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Local Black police officer Dante Jackson was rendered unrecognizable to his coworkers within seconds of removing his uniform in the precinct locker…
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — Everyone attending last night’s Twenty One Pilots drive-in concert at Metlife Stadium kept their seatbelt on throughout the entire show, confirmed…
Listen babe, no one in this scene is a bigger ally than me. When news breaks about a band member’s sexual misconduct with their female…
CLEVELAND — Moderators for 2020’s first Presidential debate reportedly added a question regarding an issue that’s been hotly contested since the early/mid-2000s: What defines “real”…
COSTA MESA, Calif. — Slightly tipsy local mom Candace Webber keeps dropping not-so-subtle hints that she fucked The Offspring singer Dexter Holland in the ‘90s,…
ATLANTA — A team of male researchers reportedly discovered the cure for COVID-19 yesterday, mere seconds after a correlation between the disease and erectile dysfunction…
Let me get this straight. You wanna come to my country and tell me and my folk how to live our lives, what words we…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Those invited to celebrate the marriage of punk drummer Scotty Corless and slaughterhouse foreman Anna “Slander” Dietrich are reportedly not bothering to…
ATLANTA — College friends Aisha Brooks and Jason Haley promised to get together soon yet again today, just as they had for the past nine…
CLEVELAND — Engorged Pustule singer Alec Matthewson, recently diagnosed with a debilitating, deadly illness known as spinocerebellar ataxia, realized today that the disease name would…
MIRAMAR, Fla. — Budget airline company Spirit Airlines announced today that they will now offer flights free of COVID-19 for an additional price of $35…
MANKATO, Minn. — Speedwolf drummer Levi Daniels abandoned his Tama Swingstar kit and assorted hardware yesterday to a “pants-shittingly” large spider spotted on the snare…