LOS ANGELES — Social media website MySpace announced today it will require their singular employee to work from home during the COVID-19 pandemic, according to…
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos stood triumphantly beneath a “Mission Accomplished” banner in an empty cafetorium yesterday after the coronavirus allowed her to…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local man and alleged “wannabe Patch Adams bitch” Dan Paulson is allegedly acting like “he cured polio or some shit” just…
UTICA, N.Y. — Trapped at home for over a week due to the coronavirus, out-of-work waiter Jim Stevens is quickly running out of excuses to…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local punk and part-time crafts enthusiast Mark Penderson, seeing a need for DIY face masks to help fight the spread of COVID-19,…
LOS ANGELES — Ethically non-monogamous couples around the world announced today that open relationships will be closed indefinitely to help ensure social distancing in response…
FLAVORTOWN — Celebrity chef and T.V. personality Guy Fieri was placed under unexpected quarantine due to the coronavirus after arriving in Flavortown this week, bomb-ass…
ATLANTA — Musician, comedian, and actor Donald Glover released a vaccine he created for COVID-19 on his website donaldpresentsthecure.com at 4 a.m. this morning and…
BOSTON — Local woman Farrah Johanson assured anyone who would listen yet again today that she is masturbating just as much as her male friends…
WASHINGTON — The U.S. Department of Commerce issued a concerning report this morning, finding that 78% of American corporations are barely scraping by and living…
PLAINVIEW, N.Y. — 16-year-old Misty Lebowitz carelessly endangered her much, much older and immunocompromised pop-punk singer boyfriend Scotty McDickers yesterday when she defied New York’s…
“I LOVE LIVIN’ IN THE CITY!” Hell yeah. “FEAR” said it best in their comedy sketch on Saturday Night Live back in the 80s. They…
NEW YORK — National Guard Troops apprehended Iowa native and big-hearted dreamer Elieen Denham yesterday, dive-tackling her in front of Radio City Music Hall in…
Audience Shocked after “Masked Singer” Revealed to be Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan
Audience Shocked after “Masked Singer” Revealed to be Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan
LOS ANGELES — “The Masked Singer” fans were shocked last night when the sassy, playful, incognito contestant Mr. Monster was revealed to be former Chairman…
LOS ANGELES — Quarantined Los Angelino Freddy Garcia has spent a majority of his COVID-19 isolation time pleasuring himself to the unusually green Google Maps…