As a proud member of the alt-right (and recent college graduate with a degree in English Literature thank you very much), I understand that most…
PHILADELPHIA — Outspoken supporters of Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden, known as “Biden Bros,” are reportedly harassing potential voters via handwritten letters sent through the…
AUSTIN, Texas — Social media marketing manager Anthony Skipper forwarded a complaint about his tortimese housecat Nickels moments ago to his HR rep, Sassafras, who…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — The cam girl you’ve been throwing money at when you should have been working from home is “probably about $1,000 or…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — A heavily discounted DVD of the Steve Carell vehicle “Evan Almighty” is “really fucking pushing it” by having the audacity to call…
MACON, Ga. — Local Civil War reenactor, blogger, and aspiring mass shooter Randolph Cunningham was forced to go door to door yesterday to find victims…
LOS ANGELES — The producers of the hit HBO docu-series “McMillions” are pitching their next fast food true crime story, “Dethroned,” based on the tragic,…
DENVER — Local nerd Eugene Boscroft asked aghast record store employees moments ago to help him find old compilations from Fat Wreck Chords, which he…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — The collective U.S. student loan debt held a press conference early this morning, claiming that it isn’t looking for anyone’s forgiveness, just…
NEW YORK — Stock photo websites jacked up their prices today for pictures of financial workers on Wall Street looking dejected on the trading floor…
WASHINGTON — A large, bi-partisan coalition of U.S. Senators disclosed moments ago that they’d been avoiding Sen. Rand Paul long before his recent COVID-19 diagnosis.…
STRATFORD-UPON-AVON, England — Local punk and detestable rascal of ill-repute Bartholomew Alfraye expressed a most ghastly proclamation of ill-will today upon the members of the…
AKRON, Ohio — Democratic presidential frontrunner Joe Biden announced a new initiative today during a campaign stop at a tire manufacturing plant, promising to “wipe…
YUBA CITY, Calif. — A reported breach in self-quarantine last week has left four dead and another two hospitalized after a fit of contagious laughter…
SAN FRANCISCO — Email marketing specialist Seth Samael, widely considered one of the most diabolical internet admins, was seen twirling his mustache and cackling yesterday…