SALEM, Mass. — The occult community was rocked to its core yesterday after paranormal researcher and television host Aaron Todd found “unusual readings” on a device yet to be identified, but definitely having something to do with electricity and ghosts and whatnot, spooked sources confirmed.
“Jesus Christ, this thing is off the dang charts!” exclaimed Todd with bated breath as he examined some sort of handheld electronic equipment adorned with dials and antenna and such. “I’ve never seen this thing do this before. Okay, I’m freaking out a little. There’s definitely something going on here — these readings are unprecedented. We might be dealing with some sort of demon spirit, or maybe a magnetic field surrounding some sort of mythical portal. It could be anything.”
Jessica Combs, Todd’s clairvoyant teammate and co-founder of Spirit Seekers Paranormal Investigations, detailed the event in a confessional shot later that day.
“As soon as we entered the basement area of the old church, the needle started jumping around and it made a crazy whirring noise. The instrument’s beeps alternated in tone and volume while Aaron scanned the room and let us all know that it was highly irregular,” Combs recalled. “Suddenly, I realized I was sensing some really intense paranormal energies — that’s why when you watch the show, you’ll hear creepy music, and maybe a few expository ADR lines. I’m clairvoyant, so I already know how they will edit the sequence together.”
Some in the ghost hunting community, however, remain unconvinced.
“It’s not uncommon for these homemade devices to show strange readings, especially when a TV camera is nearby,” claimed rival ghost-expert Jason Blade, carefully avoiding the subject of what the device is and what it measures. “I won’t be convinced he found anything other than a gas leak until I can enter that building with my own finely tuned devices that pick up on other-worldly energies.”
Despite such criticisms, Todd remains steadfast in his belief that the team is on to something.
“This may be the most concrete evidence of a spiritual presence since last week’s episode where the dial went all haywire,” he boasted. “These machines are state-of-the-art.”