MIRAMAR, Fla. — Budget airline company Spirit Airlines announced today that they will now offer flights free of COVID-19 for an additional price of $35 as an a la carte add-on option.
“We at Spirit Airlines work constantly to keep our business on the cutting edge,” said company spokesperson Melinda Grey. “That’s why we’re proud to offer optional, Covid-free flights to our passengers for just a small surcharge. Our customers have come to expect a certain level of service from Spirit, and this added fee is no exception. By choosing to fly Spirit during the Covid pandemic, our passengers are sending a message loud and clear: they will gladly risk their lives to save $60 on a flight. And we aim to make that flight a better experience by offering headphones and no Covid for a nominal fee.”
Customers have greeted the change with noted skepticism.
“I just wanted to fly home to visit my mom,” said passenger Darren Jacobs. “At first the price seemed like a good deal, but then they charged me $5 for my seat cushion, $40 for my carry-on, and apparently this bag of pretzels cost $17. After the $19 oxygen mask fee, I didn’t wanna pay any more, so I didn’t get the Covid protection. I thought I’d probably be fine without it, but then they assigned a guy to sit next to me and cough the entire flight. It was awful. I think I need to see a doctor.”
For Spirit employees, however, the additional fee is just business as usual.
“Welcome to Spirit, honey,” said flight attendant Chris DePaulo. “If customers don’t wanna pay the $35 Covid protection, then they should have paid the $32 mask fee. If you ask me, anyone catching a $40 flight to Fort Lauderdale during a global pandemic is practically begging to get sick.”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to use the bathroom before takeoff,” he added. “I have horrible diarrhea, and I can’t seem to stop sweating.”