As a child of the nineties I went through all the anti-drug campaigns – D.A.R.E., ‘just say no,’ that fried egg commercial, watching my dad’s…
Let’s get it out of the way: I love Minor Threat. They’re on my Mount Rushmore of punk bands. It was almost impossible to find…
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — Local vegan Jay Ortega openly wondered yesterday what the fuck he ever did to everybody after being ridiculed by an employee at…
BOSTON — Four devout straight edge kids kept with tradition yesterday and left a seat open for Minor Threat frontman Ian MacKaye during their annual…
DANVERS, Mass. — A straight edge Ouija board steadfastly refused to indulge in a midnight seance Saturday night, directly defying slurred demands and supplications from…
POMONA, Calif. — Local straight edger Dave Bower drank every non-alcoholic beverage intended for use as a mixer last night during his roommate’s 21st birthday…
HOUSTON — The world’s first factory-farm-to-table restaurant Le Cochon Souffrant opened to largely negative reviews this week, as patrons were horrified by the incessant squeals…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Vegan punk Angela Birge debuted yesterday her custom, “completely badass” fruit leather jacket, impressing attendees at a local farmers’ market. “I felt…
KALISPELL, Mont. — Prominent straight-edge hardcore band The Only Way Out burned their unused drink tickets last night in a desperate attempt to stay warm…
EUGENE, Ore. – A local fuck-up is hopeful this morning that the nutrients from his half-consumed Synergy Gingerberry kombucha will be more than enough to…
GENEVA — A recent report from leading vegan scientists indicates the limited supply of dairy milk alternative Oatly could lead to increased international tension, eventually…
BOSTON — Local straight edger Austin Evans quietly formed an undying, eternal bond at a party last night with Tugger Q. Bingley, the cat cared…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Following years of research and development, the average vegan ass is approaching a similar taste and texture to that of carnivores’ due…
Look, I’m just as pissed off about these billionaires controlling all the money as everybody else. And or course I want to eat the rich…
AURORA, Ill. — Local vegan pagan Lisa Wayne drew criticism yesterday for preparing a block of tofu as her sacrificial, divine offering during the annual…