WASHINGTON — President Trump reversed this morning an Obama-era policy limiting the amount of guitar solos butt rock bands could include in a single song, a move analysts believe directly favors the embattled president’s base supporters.
“There are a lot of people on the left that hate guitar solos. I love them — probably because I’m an amazing guitar player myself,” said Trump to a group of musicians in ripped jeans, studded belts, and tank tops. “Obama illegally limited the freedom of expression of our most talented musicians. America was founded on the principals of butt rock. It was — ask the Pilgrims.”
“I’m sure if George Washington knew what music was, he would’ve been a huge Shinedown fan,” Trump added. “Huge.”
Hard rock experts warn that loosening these restrictions could produce an uptick of bands like Puddle of Mudd leaving the county fair circuit to once again play in arenas around the country.
“Obviously, it’s too early to predict what this reversal will mean for popular music aimed at middle-aged white men who work in urban areas and drive pickup trucks,” said musicologist Ezra Wolffe. “A recent Gallup poll showed about 75 percent of Trump supporters think the move is ‘bitchin’,’ while 20 percent thought it ‘rocks,’ leaving just 5 percent undecided.”
Wayne Swinney, lead guitarist and back up vocalist of butt rock band Saliva, praised the president’s decision.
“When Obama was first elected, I was just excited as the next guy… but as soon as he came after my livelihood, telling me when I can and can’t throw a crunchy guitar solo into a song, I realized we were on a one-way train towards fascism,” said Swinney. “At one point, I had friends telling me I’d need to go through musical re-training to learn how to create electronic music. Thankfully, with Trump, guitar-driven rock is here to stay.”
White House staffers expect the President will next challenge a Supreme Court decision from the ’70s requiring background checks on anyone trying to purchase a double-necked guitar.