LOS ANGELES — Legendary pop-punk trio Blink-182 surprised fans by dropping a new, politically-charged single about meeting the girl of your dreams at a protest, and passing gas, numerous sources confirmed.
“We couldn’t let this important time in history pass us by. As a band, we’ve never been very political, but this song changes all that,” said bassist and only remaining original member, Mark Hoppus. “The song’s protagonist has a crush on a girl dressed in all black throwing rocks at cops, but eventually, her views about defunding the police are a bit much for him and their love story falls apart. There’s an entire subplot that runs through the chorus about how my farts are worse than tear gas and how I should be banned from eating at Taco Bell, it’s powerful. Suck off a horse, fuck face.”
Longtime fans of the group admit that the song seems pretty tone deaf given the current state of unrest.
“Don’t get me wrong, the song is super catchy and I’ve been humming it all day, but it just shows how out of touch these guys are at this point. The lyric ‘She wants to smash the state, I just want to take her on a date. She screams ‘Black Lives Matter,’ and I can’t stop looking at her,’ and then after that the lyrics posit that the Antifa girl’s mom is probably hot as hell,” said Omar Martinez. “It’s all very disappointing. I never thought that Tom DeLonge would actually turn out to be the most respectable guy in the group.”
Activists immediately panned the song for its message and the group’s fundraising efforts attached to the single.
“When they start singing ‘she’s gotta gotta gotta gotta be crazy for speaking her mind’ I shut it off and threw out my copy of ‘Enema of the State’ because I can’t believe I ever supported those guys,” said local protest organizer Aidie Lewis. “Not to mention the fact that their website claims that all the money they raise from the song will be donated to the ‘Hermosa Beach Boner Society.’ Not funny guys, people are dying in the streets.”
Similarly, the All-American Rejects released a new single titled “One Dead Cop is Just the Beginning” in a departure from their normal themes, instead choosing to focus on “hunting down police and murdering them in their homes in front of their family.”