DUBLIN — A local man excitedly caught a single drumstick last night at a Psychic Lizard show, and now reportedly has no idea what to actually do with it.
“I never realized how easy it was to get caught up in a crowd,” confessed concert goer and drumstick owner Michael McCarthy. “But as soon as the drummer walked to the side of the stage and mimed throwing his sticks, I lost my shit. I’ve never wanted something more in my life — it was like I was trying to catch the bouquet at a wedding. Honestly, he could have been throwing his used retainer and I would’ve punched someone for it.”
As soon as someone caught the stick, however, the reality quickly dawned on the show’s attendees just how pointless the whole activity was.
“We all cheered for him when he caught it. Dude looked fucking delighted,” mused bartender Shaun Brown. “But like, a minute later, the music started back up, and he looked like an absolute moron — there’s just no graceful way to hold onto something like that.”
“Him pretending that he was an orchestra conductor with the stick was bad enough,” Brown added, “but the worst was when he forgot he was holding it while putting on his jacket and it got caught in the sleeve. Poor bastard just struggled for minutes without anyone helping him.”
For his part, Psychic Lizard drummer James Lawlor confirmed he didn’t really have a plan when tossing the stick.
“Really, I just wanted the attention,” confessed Lawlor. “I’m sick of being ignored at the back of the stage. I knew there was no chance of me doing that thing where you toss your sticks in the air, catch them and keep playing, so I thought this was the next best thing. People always go crazy when our guitarist tosses his picks. I figured I’d just steal his thunder.”
“I forgot I didn’t have any spares, but I don’t think anyone actually noticed,” he added.
At press time, friends of McCarthy were seen avoiding him during his pathetic Def Leppard impression.
Photo by Rob Steinberg.