MOLINE, Ill. — Touring death metal band Spoilation reportedly wasted little time before eating drummer Vic Walsh after their tour van broke down, failing to…
DAYTON, Ohio — Local apartment tenant Adrian Delgado has filed his fifth noise complaint this month with building management, claiming that his next door neighbor…
ALLENTOWN, Penn. — Metal diehard James Allen used the online tax filing platform TaxSlayer yesterday to “eviscerate, desecrate, and properly file” his 1040EZ tax return,…
PITTSBURGH — High school English teacher Dennis Schneider disregarded yesterday’s lesson on George Orwell’s dystopian classic 1984 in favor of “rocking the hell out” to…
TRENTON, N.J. — Local metalhead and office temp Sean Durham tested the boundaries of “Casual Friday” attire last week by wearing his beloved Goatwhore T-shirt…
FRESNO, Calif. — Local metalhead Terry Parker found yesterday that he is almost out of body parts into which to carve the word “Slayer” as…
GRIMES, Iowa — Heavy metal fans from around the world flocked to a sleepy Des Moines, Iowa suburb last weekend to see a puddle of…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — The California Department of Food and Agriculture approved a program yesterday allowing nü-metal scientists to test potential gene manipulation of indigenous KoЯn,…
CITY OF DIS, Hell — 78 percent of demons across the Netherworld experienced feelings of low self-esteem and body issues when subjected to the unrealistic…
LOS ANGELES — Metallica’s live concert and online merch booth is now the world’s 32nd largest economy by GDP following another year of unprecedented growth,…
Attention longtime Slayer fans! If you’ve shown your dedication to thrash legends Slayer by carving the band’s name into your flesh, you could be entitled…
HELL – Local Angel of Darkness, Satan, gifted metal icons Slayer with an 18-karat gold watch as a thank you for their 37 years of…
PHOENIX — Shock rocker Alice Cooper broke ground today on his new Republican-exclusive, goth-themed golf course, “Welcome to My Putt-mare,” developers close to the project…
LOS ANGELES — Rage Against the Machine vocalist and Planet Fitness member Zack de la Rocha finds his workout motivation by listening to House of…
In a land decimated by civil war, terrorism, and violence, Syrian musicians have persevered through hell on earth. Thanks to the internet we can finally…