NEW ORLEANS — Drone metal act hur’Q took time during their performance Friday night to honor Chris Slade, their friend and sound engineer who passed…
DENVER — Self-described “stoner-tech” metal band Great Barrier Reef revealed today their plans to write a song in a 4/20 time signature, which would be…
Lemmy Impersonator Dead After Three Weeks on the Job
BRENTWOOD, Tenn. – A life insurance salesman and frontman of recently formed Motörhead tribute band Speed Freak was found dead in his apartment early Sunday…
WINNIPEG, MB – A Canadian passenger train jumped free of its tracks yesterday evening in a horrific disaster that played stunning homage to a classic…
Metallica Adopts Hologram Technology to Replace Perfectly Healthy Lars Ulrich
LOS ANGELES — Lars Ulrich, the founding drummer of Metallica, will be replaced by a hologram on all future live dates despite a clean bill…
Malia Obama’s Secret Service Detail Subtly Suggests Iron Maiden Might Be Fun Concert to Attend
WASHINGTON D.C. – After cell phone footage of Malia Obama, codename “Radiance,” enjoying herself at Lollapalooza surfaced online, 38-year-old Secret Service Agent Ted Hogan began…
Ozzy Osbourne Googles “Black Sabbath Lyrics”
LOS ANGELES – Ozzy Osbourne, Black Sabbath’s longtime lead singer and founding member, used a search engine to try to remember his own lyrics before…
PORTLAND, Ore. – Shortly after announcing this year’s lineup, Warped Tour revealed plans for a new tent for adults to voice their disgust about the…
Black Metal Band Sacrifices Animals, Sex Lives
MINOT, N.D. – Winters In Sodom may be new to the Minot metal scene — forming just six months ago — but the band has…
Def Leppard Drummer Would Love to Talk About Something Else
MALIBU, Calif. – A chance meeting outside of a local Jamba Juice with Rick Allen, drummer of heavy metal legends Def Leppard, proved uncomfortable yesterday…
Guitarist, Guitar Solo Going Nowhere
SEATTLE – Fans of local metal band Christ Decay were unmoved Friday night by new guitarist John Hang’s uninspired, meandering solo during crowd favorite “Pissing…
Black Metal Band Lost In Woods After Photoshoot
KERHONKSON, NY — Sources report a local black metal band has been missing for over 16 hours following a “totally brutal” photo session that took…
Man’s Chain Wallet Sole Remaining Link to Nu-Metal Phase
OKLAHOMA CITY, Okla. — Marcus Brooks is a well-groomed, successful software engineer in his mid-thirties. What separates Brooks from his peers is his “bitchin’ chain…
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. – Stoner metal fan Paul Garry is finding that after years of listening to stoner metal almost every day, sometimes multiple times…
PHILADELPHIA — Fantasy metal band and LARPers, Cloak and Scabbard, are preparing for a week-long tour of the enchanted lands of the upper Midwest. The…