NEW HAVEN, Conn. – After purchasing Yngwie Malmsteen’s Trilogy, an album with a cover depicting the musician slaying a three-headed dragon with his six-string battle…
Satanic Ritual Actually Works, Jesus Fucking Shit RUN!!!
HOLYOKE, Mass. – A local metal show took a bizarre and deadly turn last Wednesday night when a mock-ritual performed on stage brought forth a…
Black Metal Vegan Burns Down Church’s Chicken
WETUMPKA, Ala. — Artemis Nyxx (legal name Blake Lambert), a vegan activist and vocalist of local “blackened crust” band Infinite Dvsk, took responsibility for a recent…
Face-Painting Adult With Sword Demands Respect
THE INTERNET – The often misunderstood world of adult face-painting went on high alert this week when Youtube user GoatLord666Watain took to the figurative airwaves…
Metal Zine Regrets 666 Skull Rating System
SECAUCUS, N.J. – Tensions are mounting at False Assault, a print zine dedicated to the New Jersey underground metal scene, as witnesses say the editorial…
Controversial Metal Band Writes Offensively Cliché Lyrics
TORONTO – No strangers to controversy, Toronto-based heavy metal band Icepick Executioner released their latest album Behold My Blade last week, this time offending scores…
Neftock, Master of Darkness, Agrees to Cover Shift at 7-11
SHIPPENSBURG, Pa. – Black clouds obscured an ice white moon amidst terrible rumblings echoing from the depths of the underworld today as Mitch Hubbins, a.k.a.…
Merch Guy Realizes He’s Been Selling the Wrong Squiggly-Lettered T-Shirt
PROVIDENCE, R.I. – A simple mistake spelled potential disaster for Dean Selay, merch guy for the Louisville post-black metal outfit Crypt Engraver, as he realized…
D.R.I. Logo Tears ACL
HOUSTON — D.R.I.’s legendary “Skanker Man” was sidelined with a torn ACL following an injury brought on by decades of touring and the wear-and-tear of life…
Gene Simmons Calls Misfits Reunion “Pathetic”
NEW YORK — Legendary KISS frontman Gene Simmons had some tough love for the Misfits following Riot Fest’s announcement that the original lineup of the…
Christian Metal Band Doesn’t Believe In Evolving Their Sound
LANSING, Mich. – Local Christian band Bless The Martyr has stalled their momentum in the metal world by refusing to evolve their sound in any…
Game of Thrones Tribute Metal Band Getting Ahead of the Books
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. – The continued delay of The Winds of Winter, the sixth book in the George R.R. Martin series that inspired Game of Thrones,…
LANSING, MI — BREAKING: A circus elephant has broken free from his cage at the Dark Carnival, a fictional world detailed in a series of…
Band Writes 10-Minute Song In Under 2 Minutes
NEW ORLEANS – Some artists take a lifetime to complete their masterpiece; others can create a magnum opus in virtually no time at all. Sludge…
Black Metal Guitarist Spotted Celebrating Gammy’s 87th Birthday at Old Country Buffet
BATTLE CREEK, Mich. – Two lucky fans were surprised Tuesday evening when they spotted Geryon Warbringer, guitar player of black metal band Malmastecon, celebrating his…