LAWRENCE, Kan. — Former merch guy Josh Hall is slowly adjusting to his new life in Lawrence, Kan. after being accidentally left at a gas…
TRONDHEIM, Norway — Norwegian customs officials detained U.S. black metal band VVulfblud during their Scandinavian tour for not having any weapons on their persons whatsoever,…
BOSTON — Hapless rugby coach Roy Walker has molded a group of aggressive hardcore kids and their raw, unfettered mosh pit tactics into potential rugby…
PORTLAND, Maine – Prominent music critic Harry Garcia-Adams successfully used the word “angular” in a new and exciting way in his review of Matrimony Castle’s new self-titled…
BALTIMORE — Local record store owner Dawn Rawlings is starting a needle exchange program for vinyl addicts, hoping to contain the audiophilia epidemic ravaging her…
SEATTLE — A scheduled performance by Father John Misty was canceled last night after the singer began a long rant which culminated with him disappearing…
NEW YORK — Local musical improv troupe Songtaneous Combustion bombarded a bewildered crowd at Lantern Pizza on Tuesday night with an irreverent hour of “extremely…
BOSTON — MIT janitor Will Chase is allegedly brilliant at mathcore, according to university staff members who caught him secretly playing deeply complex guitar riffs…
CHICAGO — Aging punks Paul Schiffer and Jessica Hernandez believe their sex life has become stale, following their most recent “routine and lackluster pounding” in a…
LONG BEACH, Calif. — Rapper Vince Staples was forced to change his moniker to Vince OfficeMax after the completed merger of Staples and Office Depot…
NEW YORK — After a long battle with apathy, local musician Peter Costello was forced to put his pet project VeRu to rest earlier today.…
BALTIMORE — Promoters of the Dollops of Doom festival canceled the three-day music event at the last minute after weather reports confirmed sunny skies and…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Part-time Arby’s fry cook Marty Pitts recently asked coworker Clint Kettering if fronting local metal band Intoxicunt is as lucrative as Pitts…
GUILFORD, Conn. — Folk-punk legend Ol’ Tom Tassy, rumored to stand 180 feet tall and use a modified train car as a guitar, was allegedly…
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. — Aging punk Valeri Kravtsova announced plans earlier today to support the scene with “maximum efficiency” and attend an entire year’s worth…