BOSTON — Ska legends The Mighty Mighty Bosstones announced today that they will reopen for business this week at 50% capacity by furloughing their horn…
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Mattie Foster, known for her drunken outbursts at shows, is now simply loud and wasted at home due to Los…
The Harry Potter series has produced some of the most popular and beloved epic novels and films in history. Likewise, Anal Cunt, beloved Massachusetts grindcore…
WASHINGTON — Governors from all 50 states agreed that shelter-in-place orders would firmly remain on your shitty band as the rest of the country sees…
BLUE ISLAND, Ill. — Local father Lucas Carroll is doing his best to homeschool his children during coronavirus stay-at-home orders, even though his area of…
I want my budding love life to be as exciting and effortless as my tuning of choice, open D. I’m thirsty for endless D, musically…
CHICAGO — Local goth Raven Stevens spent her entire savings on new clothes yesterday after an attempt to eat a powdered donut backfired catastrophically, a…
LOS ANGELES — Indie musician RGRT could not solve a single “Wheel of Fortune” puzzle during last week’s taping because he did not buy a…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local logophile Kyle Nazareth, the biggest fan of lyrically-advanced band Western Addiction, allegedly moshed with a large Merriam-Webster Dictionary/Thesaurus in hand at…
Hello there Hard Times readers! My grandchild, The Hard Times, is feeling under the weather today so they couldn’t write anything. But don’t worry! The…
BROOKLYN — Quarantined punk Lex Sykes took to his own bathroom last week to practice his vandalism skills due to the ongoing closures of bars…
OSLO, Norway — Local guitarist Evan “Blood Vacuum” Brulend upset his bandmates yesterday when a filtering mishap revealed his corpse paint stopped just below his…
CHICAGO — Levi Tanaka, bassist and lead vocalist of technical death metal band Rodeus, issued an apology today via Facebook Live for “Decimate the Weak…
It is a time of uncertainty in the world. Between a global pandemic, unemployment, and scarce resources, no one knows anything for sure anymore. Well,…
ST. LOUIS — Local punk band Dead Houseplants will play Locust Street’s Fubar in exchange for free exposure to COVID-19 yesterday after Missouri leadership gave…