AUBERRY, Calif. — A local woodpecker, ignoring the desperate pleas of parents, continued to go completely apeshit on a tree that was planted in memory…
LOS ANGELES — Vocalist Trevor Handler of Reseda pop punk band Half-Hazzard insisted that his reluctance to help the band move gear in and out…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Punk legend and resurrected Brood X cicada Titus Umbilicus emerged from the earth this week extremely late and hungover despite the fact…
LOS ANGELES — Local aspiring indie rock musician since he was 14 years old, Adrian Kidwell, reportedly credits his metronome with counting the time he…
TORONTO — Bashful punk guitarist Skyler Vore acquired a new Orange Rockerverb amp last week, but chose the understated, subtle black tolex color instead of…
WINNIPEG, Manitoba — Seminal poet-punk band the Weakerthans held their first unofficial reunion since their 2014 hiatus during a recent meeting of adjunct faculty for…
BOSTON — A report from the Berklee College of Music showed that half of the attendees at a recent Placebo show only thought they were…
CARVER, Mass. — Local metalhead Tyler Kearns admitted that the replica Viking sword he brought on his camping trip might look badass, but is terrible…
Let’s face it. Complaining online about new Weezer material is just part of the human experience. It usually occurs between early and middle adulthood, according…
EUGENE, Ore. — Ska/swing revival band Cherry Poppin’ Daddies shared a long-awaited apology accepting blame for their whole deal, including, but not limited to, their…
DALLAS — Rhythm guitarist and craft beer connoisseur Kirk Tenly reportedly hasn’t seen his own pedalboard since the late 2000s due to his protruding stomach,…
NEW HOPE, Pa. — Local straight man Scott Stevenson was spotted acting weirdly jealous around lesbian woman and acquaintance at best, Samantha Rux, at a…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Progressive metal band Knight Vision announced they are accepting applications from medieval studies majors for a summer internship offering practical application of…
Studies show pets often take on the characteristics and habits of their owners. Okay, well if that’s true, then my cat Fruit Punch should appreciate…
Internet Can’t Fucking Wait to Push Newly Famous Artist to Psychological Ruin
SEATTLE, WA — Internet commentators and online communities announced this morning that they are “fucking stoked” to push recently famous musician Hank Todd past the…