MINNEAPOLIS — 1994’s “Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal” Grammy nominee Soul Asylum announced that they never actually disbanded in case…
STOCKHOLM — Music streaming service Spotify announced late yesterday morning that it will replace the “Discover New Music” tab with the more comforting “Play the…
MADISON, Wis. — 14-year-old nu metal fan and novice Boy Scout Calvin Nelson is reportedly only interested in learning about the slipknot, frustrated sources confirmed.…
LOS ANGELES — Veteran musician and Alkaline Trio founder Matt Skiba reportedly wishes he hadn’t gotten a prominent tattoo of his former band when he…
VANCOUVER — Nu-metal fan and dedicated JNCO jeans wearer Chad Willis was the only surviving passenger of a plane crash that left 85 dead after…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Daniel Powers is searching for an acceptable way to find out if his niece’s upcoming birthday party will be BYOB or…
REINLANDER, Wisc. — A group of white men were mistaken for the headlining band of a local show early yesterday evening after immediately zeroing in…
GOTHENBURG, Sweden — Melodic death metal guitarist Jens Nyberg tried to use a Boss HM-2 pedal, infamous for its famous “chainsaw” guitar tone, to chop…
TAMPA, Fla. – Local emo singer Dacian Miron was seen in a Chipotle parking lot pathetically begging his girlfriend to dump him over voicemail so…
SEATTLE — Longtime Sunn O))) guitarist Stephen O’Malley stunned fans when he revealed the band’s name has had a glaring typo since their inception in…
BOISE, Idaho — Local woman and lifelong punk Charlotte Birdsong came to the relieving conclusion that she does not miss a single thing about going…
HILL VALLEY, Calif. — Marty McFly checked the liner notes of Bad Brains’ self-titled album hoping to see precisely when lightning was scheduled to strike…
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Local punk band Butcher Paper ostensibly only formed to garner attention by way of constant death threats and doxxing, music fans and…
SEATTLE — A coalition of ‘90s doctors announced this morning that fully vaccinated individuals are safe to peruse each other’s overstuffed CD binders in a…
BOTHELL, Wash. — Audio equipment giant Behringer excited consumers by releasing a new line of electric drum sets that comes pre-covered in dust, allergy-ridden sources…