CONCORD, Calif. — Local punk couple James Paulson and Maria Overholt admitted last night in front of friends and family that although they are proud of their latest child Natalie, they still prefer their earlier kid, Max.
“I love her, don’t get me wrong… but she’s just so well behaved. She’s always a pleasure to be around, and — I know this is so corny — she feels like a watered-down version of myself,” said Overholt, who welcomed young Natalie into the world three months ago. “And she was the easiest pregnancy; it was almost like there weren’t any surprises this go-around. Nowhere near as sick and gnarly as her sister, Maxine.”
“Now that chick is the sickest!” Overholt added. “Max came out breeched and it was raw as hell — I hate when stage divers go feet first — but I respected the hell out of her when she did it.”
Overholt isn’t alone, as her husband agrees fully.
“Yeah, man… we were wild, young and dirt-poor, just a couple of kids trying to take a swing at the world. And I really think that all of that gave Max her unwavering spirit and rebellious nature. She’s also hella sick at puzzles — last week, she smashed a Rubik’s cube against the wall,” said Paulson proudly. “As we progressed as a family, we took better paying jobs and moved to the suburbs, and it seemed to really affect our sophomore effort. The stability we have now clearly made Natalie soft. I feel like a sellout every time I look at her.”
Interestingly, the phenomenon of preferring a first-release child isn’t new.
“I meet with a few clients a month who experience a wide range of let-down towards their new little ones,” said Dr. Janice Myers, a licensed punk counselor. “For instance, a big complaint about newer children is their greater dependence on parents — punk parents traditionally value that DIY work ethic found mostly in earlier children. The older kid usually had to make their own toys or learn to wipe their own butts while their parents figured everything out.”
Paulson and Overholt are currently debating the creative merits of “taking a break and going on hiatus” until they can reunite to capitalize on the 10th anniversary of their initial release.