LAS VEGAS — Legendary rude boy mascot Walt Jabsco, otherwise known as the logo for ska band The Specials, reportedly lost his 200th pair of sunglasses moments ago in a mosh pit at the Punk Rock Bowling festival, sources who took special care to watch where they stepped confirmed.
“Goddammit!” the logo exclaimed. “I guess it’s like the old saying: ‘Fool me once, shame on you; fool me another 198 times, shame on that one guy who insists on crowdkilling even when the beats don’t really line up for that kind of dancing.’”
“Maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling me I should be more careful with my personal accessories. But then again, who knows?” he added.
While sympathetic to his most recent loss, those close to the logo have given up trying to help him avoid such catastrophes… with some now refusing to “enable” his irresponsible behavior.
“Listen, I’ve been telling that guy since he lost his 50th pair back in the early ’90s that Croakies are the way to go, but he just doesn’t want to hear it,” said visibly irritated Specials frontman, Terry Hall. “He keeps going on about how the neon band will ‘…fuck his whole thing up,’ no matter how many links I send him of all black ones. You can’t help someone who isn’t ready to help themselves.”
Determined to keep his next pair of sunglasses intact, the logo is reportedly considering several options.
“Well, I think the obvious solution would be to just not skank so hard in every pit, all the time. But I’ve tried that before, and it’s just not going to happen,” the logo said. “I guess my only options at this point are to either wrap packing tape around my head to secure the glasses, like when you roll up a rug… or just hold them in place while I dance with only the bottom half of my body. That’ll require a lot of core strength, but I’m willing to give it a shot.”
At press time, the Specials logo was Googling “two-tone contact lenses” on his phone from under the venue’s awning, while shielding his eyes from the Las Vegas sun.