REINLANDER, Wisc. — A group of white men were mistaken for the headlining band of a local show early yesterday evening after immediately zeroing in…
AUTOBOT CITY — Heroic Autobot Optimus Prime is currently forbidden from morphing into his truck form and driving on roads following a failed highway safety…
ATHENS, Ohio — Self-described lover of crystals, energy healing, and astrology Emma Cobb is reportedly only into hobbies that allow her to casually stereotype people,…
Hey, nice t-shirt. Nirvana. You think you’re a Nirvana fan? Sure, kid. Whatever you say. Okay big shot, how ’bout this? If you love Nirvana…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — A limited-capacity show yesterday evening drew a crowd twice as large as local band Jolly Bean Chili Greens has ever seen in…
GOTHENBURG, Sweden — Melodic death metal guitarist Jens Nyberg tried to use a Boss HM-2 pedal, infamous for its famous “chainsaw” guitar tone, to chop…
PHILADELPHIA – Local friend and owner of a comfortable and reliable five-seat sedan, Victor Schnellenberger, is planning to quit drinking alcohol and begin a long…
Yet again, my highly specific sexual fetish has somehow become part of the zeitgeist. This is exactly the opposite of what a kink is supposed…
TAMPA, Fla. – Local emo singer Dacian Miron was seen in a Chipotle parking lot pathetically begging his girlfriend to dump him over voicemail so…
How could a floppy-eared simp like Roger Rabbit ever score a babe as iconic and sexy as Jessica Rabbit? This question has haunted me since…
MEDFORD, Ore. — A sleepover between longtime friends Billy Potter and Sam Cortland turned sour after the former discovered his best friend’s house smells weird,…
It’s one of those few things that everyone in the country can easily depend on to make a quick 30 bucks. Whether for medical bills…
LOS ANGELES — Foo Fighters frontman and former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl admitted that he has been chewing the same piece of Trident spearmint flavored…
Are you concerned with how frequently Academy Award nominee Tommy Lee Jones cums? If so, then you are to blame for the cursed new app…
PEORIA, Ill. — Self-described wolf enthusiast Roy Greene immortalized his obsession with the animal since childhood in a hastily drawn tattoo on the upper portion…