Heyyyy #GirlBosses! As a white woman that owns several large-brimmed hats, I am an expert in entrepreneurship. This wasn’t always the case though. Not so…
CHICAGO — Local Tinder bot Jennifer, 29, whose existence centers on driving lonely men to fraudulent dating sites, organically stopped spamming anyone under six feet…
Listen up, buttercup. In this house, we always back the blue. We support the boys in blue and we know blue lives matter. This is…
LOS ANGELES — Aging punk Mike Cruz was ordered by the Council of Punk Legitimacy to inform his neighbors that he is a registered poser…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local man and dedicated Al’s Automotive supporter Brian Crespi was shocked and devastated to learn that the mechanic he sees regularly…
WASHINGTON — Prominent conservatives nationwide are beginning to inquire if they are still morally obligated to listen to Ariel Pink after the artist was spotted…
It’s been 24 years since the life of Michael Hutchence, lead singer of Australian pop phenomenon INXS, was tragically cut short, allegedly by an incident…
LAUREL, Md. — Local emotional person Cara Lucas was interrupted while crying and shouting along to the chorus of Bright Eyes song “Poison Oak” by…
Ugh. Give us a second. Just a second. Our fucking head. This fucking sucks. Why did we think it would be a good idea to…
CHICAGO — Local man and self-proclaimed foodie Harry Blanks unhinged his jaw like a Burmese Python in order to take a bite of the coveted…
I’ve been with the department for eight years now, and every request I’ve put in for leave has been denied. People don’t understand how exhausting…
ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local punk and avid merch buyer Ben Riley officially crossed the line from human being to sentient merch booth with the…
BALLARD RESIDENCE — A disturbing and highly scientific new study has found that I, Gary Ballard, the extremely parched breadwinner that works too damn hard…
DALLAS — Local white man Darrell Hargrove raised alarm bells yesterday after a traffic incident led experts to believe his mugshot may soon appear on…
As I write this proclamation, it’s been seven hours, 15 days and 5 years since the passing of The Purple One. While the legacy of…