CITY OF DIS, Hell — 78 percent of demons across the Netherworld experienced feelings of low self-esteem and body issues when subjected to the unrealistic…
SAN DIEGO — Daisey McKinley’s period asked her eyes and heart again this morning if they know when her white pants will be going on,…
Well, it happened. My girlfriend shaved both sides of her head which I assume makes us, and therefore me, bisexual. I’m no expert on modern…
VLADIVOSTOK, Russia — @DNCSorosTracker, one of the more successful Russian Twitter bots created to influence American elections, announced plans today to pursue a comedy career…
Last Podcast on the Left is the coolest podcast around! The way it blends true crime and horrible things with comedy really makes for a…
LOS ANGELES — Metallica’s live concert and online merch booth is now the world’s 32nd largest economy by GDP following another year of unprecedented growth,…
OFucking Garfield, man… he’s got his face all over T-shirts and TV and posters telling me to read. What a poser. He acts like he…
PONTIAC, Mich. — 55-year-old Juggalo Kevin “Klown Syndrome” Anderson is concerned young Juggalos won’t continue the positive Juggalo message created by his generation, sources close…
LOS ANGELES — The veteran YouTube series The Great British Bass Off will team up with Coast to Coast, an up-and-coming YouTube series revolving around…
LONDON — Local steampunk Alexi Franklin was assaulted yesterday by fellow Pincham High classmate and noted steamjock Victor Gryphon, multiple witnesses confirmed. “He kept calling…
NEW YORK — Fans seeing post-rock band We Make Noise Sounds last night weren’t entirely sure whether the group had started playing, or if the…
Well this isn’t good. WWE Champion John Cena has a heart of gold, but it might just cost one sickly child his life. Cena —…
My pitch for this article was simple: I would ingest edibles and, under the influence, call a bunch of my ex-girlfriends. The idea was that…
CHICAGO — Climatologists are blaming record-low temperatures for the steep decline in Year-Round Shorts-Guy populations, resulting in a massive shortage of exposed, hairy, mid-winter calves,…
NEW YORK — Progressive punk Otto Williams replaced the phrase “bum a cigarette” earlier today with “homeless person a cigarette” in an attempt to be…