You know what they say about casinos — the house always wins. And sure, the fat cats make a hefty profit out of swindling the…
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. — A new study by Hofstra University has found that 100 percent of moms nationwide agree they’ve never said anything traumatizing to their…
Cops fucking suck. There isn’t anything new with that statement. But at least the douchebaggery that pigs dish out is on a linear plane of…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary rock musician Dave Grohl revealed that the surviving members of seminal grunge band Nirvana still sometimes get together to fight about…
Booking a show is one of the best ways to support and/or steal from your local scene. But where do you start? Can any idiot…
PITTSBURGH — The latest single by local punk band Dog Sniper used a sample of a “NBC Nightly News” telecast in a transparent attempt to…
Well lookie what we have here. The Mystery Machine and its group of do-gooders. Running around, looking at clues, and chasing supposed “monsters.” It’s time…
BERKELEY, Calif. — ‘90s alt-rock band Counting Crows finally announced the subject of their hit song “Mr. Jones” is none other than Dr. Henry Walton…
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we cover “Scumdogs of the Universe,” the 1990…
SEATTLE — Highly sought-after emotional support golden retriever Dr. Buttons Wigglesworth was reportedly not accepting new patients due to unusually high demand for her services,…
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced earlier this week that fully vaccinated people may safely end the lame-ass relationships they were…
Relationship killers are everywhere. Love is a battlefield and it’s littered with landmines. Say one wrong thing and you’ll find yourself in a passive-aggressive argument…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Multiple residents of California filed a class action lawsuit against any bands who included new material on a “Greatest Hits” compilation album,…
NEW YORK — A mercenary team of ex-special forces, KGB, and other trained combatants attempting to take an entire gala event hostage were single-handedly defeated…
Graphic Designer Completely Unaware He’s Cause of Dozens of Deep State Q Conspiracies
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Local graphic designer Fletcher Townsend remains totally oblivious to the fact that his work portfolio continues to fuel multiple Qanon conspiracies, dozens…